Sept. 5. BusinessWeek "Drugs Get Smart"

I dont have permission to print this so I hope I dont go to jail. I guess if someone wants me to remove it, I will....but I think its an interesting thing for us BP people to be aware of. A friend sent me the info about the article, I'm very glad she did...

Anneke Westra has experienced the power of Roche's diagnostic technology. Eleven years ago, at 30, she was a promising scientist with a PhD in biotechnology who already had a patent to her name. Despite a lifelong struggle with depression, she became an expert in biosensors, traveling the world to present scientific papers. That changed in September, 1994, when the Londoner was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

It was the start of a decade-long debacle. Westra's treatment involved a dozen psychiatrists and 18 pharmaceuticals -- each drug, it seemed, with worse side effects than the one before. Her mental and physical health deteriorated. Frequently hospitalized and unable to work, she eventually tried to kill herself. "I lost 10 years of my life from the drugs I was given," she says.

Westra's case is extreme but not unique, and it explains why doctors and patients both are eager for personalized medicine. One in five people at some point suffer depression severe enough for medication. Many spend months trying a variety of drugs, at different dosages, before hitting on a prescription that works -- if they're lucky. For 25% of patients, the most common antidepressants -- selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors such as Prozac -- are ineffective. Millions more are wracked by side effects. Until Roche launched its AmpliChip, there was no reliable means of monitoring the family of enzymes found mainly in the liver, known as CYP450, that dictate how our bodies break down medication. That left trial and error -- and a trail of tears.

After her diagnosis, Westra spent the next few years in and out of the hospital, but no matter what drugs doctors prescribed, terrible side effects set in almost immediately. Promazine knocked her unconscious for five days, while within four days of taking Eli Lilly's Zyprexa she was hearing voices in a drug-induced state of psychosis. "No one believed me when I told them I was being poisoned by the drugs," she says.

Finally she found a psychiatrist who prescribed a mild tranquilizer, and she improved. Rested and thinking clearly for the first time in years, Westra deduced that her troubles had something to do with the way her body metabolized medication. In just three hours of exploring medical Web sites, "I worked out what it might be," she recalls. "I was crying with relief."

Her research led her to Dr. Katherine J. Aitchison at the Institute of Psychiatry at King's College London, who confirmed Westra's suspicions. Using the AmpliChip test, Aitchison found Westra had too little of two drug-metabolizing enzymes in her liver, making her acutely sensitive to numerous medications.

Millions of people may be like Westra, according to Dr. José de León, an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Kentucky and medical director of the mental health research center at Eastern State Hospital in Lexington. In a study published in the January issue of The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, de León found that patients without the CYP2D6 enzyme -- one that Westra had too little of -- were three to six times more likely to experience severe side effects when placed on the antipsychotic risperidone. Now he's conducting a study on 4,000 psychiatric patients at three state hospitals in Kentucky to determine if testing patients for these genetic variations before prescribing is cost-effective.

Westra, 41, finally has her life back. She takes minuscule amounts of three psychiatric drugs, and uses homeopathic remedies. "I used to fall into a a suicidal depression that would last nine months. Now the depression lifts in two weeks. That never happened before." In addition to advising mental health practitioners, she's the co-founder of Britain's No Force Campaign, which lobbies against forced medication of the mentally ill. And while she has testified calmly before Parliament on the topic, she's still angry at the health-care system that let her down. "I have been through a nightmare, only to discover it never should have happened," she says. "The information was out there."

The Gulf Will Rise Again by John Grisham

Biloxi, Miss.
ON Aug. 17, 1969, Hurricane Camille roared onto the Gulf Coast with
winds of more than 200 miles an hour, only the second Category 5 storm to hit the
mainland United States. It killed 143 people in Mississippi, and 201
more in flooding in central Virginia.
Over the years, Hurricane Camille's legend grew, and it was not uncommon
when I was a child and student in Mississippi to hear horrific tales
from coast residents who had survived it. I myself was sleeping in a Boy
Scout pup tent 200 miles inland when the storm swept through. Our losses were
minimal - the tents, sleeping bags, some food - but over time I managed
to spice up the adventure and add a little danger to it.
For almost 40 years, it was a well-established belief that the Gulf
Coast had taken nature's mightiest blow, picked itself up, learned some
lessons and survived rather well. There could simply never be another storm like
Hurricane Camille.
After walking the flattened streets of Biloxi, though, I suspect that
Hurricane Camille will soon be downgraded to an April shower. The
devastation from Hurricane Katrina, a storm surge 80 miles wide and
close to 30 feet high, is incomprehensible. North from the beach for a half a
mile, virtually every house has been reduced to kindling and debris. At least
100,000 people in Jackson County - poor, middle-class, wealthy - are
homeless.
I search for a friend's home, a grand old place with a long wide porch
where we'd sit and gaze at the ocean, and find nothing but rubble. Mary
Mahoney's,the venerable French restaurant and my favorite place to eat on the
coast,is standing, but gutted. It's built of stone and survived many storms
but had seen nothing like Hurricane Katrina.
Even without Hurricane Rita chewing its way across the region, the
notion of starting again is nearly impossible to grasp. Some areas will have no
electricity for months. The schools, churches, libraries and offices
lucky enough to be standing can't open for weeks. Those not standing will be
scooped up in the rubble, then rebuilt. But where, and at what cost?
So much has disappeared - highways, streets, bridges, treatment plants,
docks, ports. The next seafood harvest is years away, and the shrimpers
have lost their boats. The bustling casino business - 14,000 jobs and
$500,000 a day in tax revenues - will be closed for months and may take years to
recover. Lawyer friends of mine lost not only their homes and offices,
but their records and their courthouses.
At least half of the homes and businesses destroyed were not insured
against flood losses. For decades, developers, builders, real estate and
insurance agents have been telling people: "Don't worry, Camille didn't touch this
area. It'll never flood." This advice was not ill intentioned; it simply
reflected what most people believed. Now, those who listened to it and
built anyway are facing bankruptcy.
As dark as these days are, though, there is hope. It doesn't come from
handouts or legislation, and it certainly doesn't come from speeches
promising rosy days ahead. Folks dependent on donated groceries are
completely unmoved by campaign-style predictions of a glorious future.
It's much too early for such talk.
Hope here comes from the people and their remarkable belief that, if we
all stick together, we'll survive. The residents of the Gulf Coast have an
enormous pride in their ability to take a punch, even a knockout blow,
and stagger gamely back into the center of the ring. Their parents survived
Camille, and Betsy and Frederic, and they are determined to get the best
of this latest legend.
Those who've lost everything have nothing to give but their courage and
sweat, and there is an abundance of both along the coast these days. At
a school in the small town of De Lisle, the superintendent, who's living
in the parking lot, gives a quick tour of the gymnasium, which is now a
makeshift food dispensary where everything is free and volunteers
hurriedly unpack supplies. Two nearby schools have vanished, so in three weeks she
plans to open doors to any student who can get to her school. Temporary
trailers have been ordered and she hopes they're on the way. Ninety-five
percent of her teachers are homeless but nonetheless eager to return to
the classrooms.
Though she is uncertain where she'll find the money to pay the teachers,
rent the trailers and buy gas for the buses, she and her staff are
excited about reopening. It's important for her students to touch and feel
something normal. She's lost her home, but her primary concern is for the
children. "Could you send us some books?" she asks me. Choking back tears, my wife
and I say, "Yes, we certainly could."
Normalcy is the key, and the people cling to anything that's familiar -
the school, a church, a routine, but especially to one another. Flying low
in a Black Hawk over the devastated beach towns, the National Guard general
who is our host says, "What this place needs is a good football game." And
he's right. It's Friday, and a few lucky schools are gearing up for the big
games, all of which have been rescheduled out of town. Signs of normal
life are slowly emerging.
The task of rebuilding is monumental and disheartening to the outsider.
But to the battle-scarred survivors of the Gulf Coast, today is better than
yesterday, and tomorrow something good will happen.
When William Faulkner accepted the Nobel Prize in 1950, he said, in
part: "I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. He is
immortal, not because he alone among creatures has an inexhaustible voice, but
because he has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion, sacrifice and endurance."
Today, Faulkner would find in his native state a resilient spirit that
is amazing to behold. The people here will sacrifice and give and give
until one day this storm will be behind them, and they will look back, like
their parents and grandparents, and quietly say, "We prevailed."

John Grisham is the author, most recently, of "The Broker."
Copyright 2005 The New York Times Company

Reflections & Self Examination

I couldn’t pomise we’d live that night
And I clutched his fingers tight.
“Just close your eyes.”
I covered his ears,
Those things shouldn’t be what a little one hears.

Please don’t leave me here
This house holds nothing,
but memories and demons
I don’t want to remember.

I said I’d be there forever.

Shes yet to come home,
But I have her picture
I wonder if I’d know her now.

And I’m just like her.
She lied, she lied,
I lied, I lied
You know not what you do.

I remember everything,
The words spoke on
dusty backroads,
that were all untrue.

Do you cry
When Im crying for you?
I have those thoughts
That keep me awake,
Promise that did not hold
themselves.

When I ran,
“this isn’t happening”
Appreciate the hand
waving goodbye when
youre awake at night.

Katrina in Mississippi - 1 month later

Not much is shown on tv about Mississippi, the focus is entirely on New Orleans. Now, we arent under water...and that is a blessing, but theres a lot of damage here. A co-worker went down to the coast & took some pictures & I wanted to share a few.

The media seems to want to show the bad parts of recovery - dumbasses shooting at rescue efforts, looters, etc. We dont have that kind of shit here. I guess Mississippi is just very community oriented. I have always kind of thought it sucked living in MS, but right now I am proud. Everyone really came together...and still are.

Things are relatively back to normal where I live...still a few people without cable and stuff like that, but everything else is pretty much back in order. I know we had a lot of donations at our church...one coming from a small church in Washington with 25 members...they sent like $1700 or something unbelievable like that. Lots of people sent food and baby stuff for the church to distribute. There were also tree cutter people at church from Memphis that sat in front of me. We had mission teams from other places that have helped with clean up & stuff too. Lots of people are helping people. Ive even gotten used to sleeping to the sound of chainsaws.

People sent donations where I work too...to the clients and the staff. I think its awesome that people all over the country are helping...and its really good to see neighbors helping neighbors. Anyway, a month later things on the coast are still in just a devastated case. These pictures were taken about a week ago. There are still alot of trees to clean up here, but its alot better.

I feel really horrible for the people in Rita's path...hurricanes really suck.

For pictures from Hattiesburg (close to where I live), go here

.The Fight at Walgreen's

I was standing in line at Walgreen’s yesterday to get some Vistaril to help me sleep and a fight broke out, which was kind of funny.

This old lady started going off on how the world would be a better place if John Kerry had been elected….not a good thing to announce in a public place in south Mississippi. Anyway, there was a lady in the national guard (in uniform) in front of her. She told the girl that she shouldn’t be willing to fight in a war for nothing. The girl said that she believed in the war and in George Bush and she said she was willing to fight to protect the US and her family. The liberal lady started telling everyone that it was sad that they had bought into Bush’s lies…and then she started going off on how the war in Iraq was like Vietnam, which promptly pissed off an older man who announced that he was retired military and that he didn’t want to hear another word from her. A younger guy went off on her saying that she mustve wanted Hussein to stay in power. The lady said that Hussein had nothing to do with the US and that it was stupid to think he did. Man, it was entertaining. Finally, after the Walgreens pharmacy called 2 managers, they all shut up.

I don’t talk about politics very much…mainly because my beliefs and views are a bit different than most in my rural inhabitance. However, I did want to tell the lady to back off on the military…those people in line with her had fought so that she’d be able to stand in a public place and go off on them. Not exactly the thanks that they deserve.

Anyway, I think everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions. Here are some of mine (lets not get to rialed up over this….just having one of those outlet moments):

1. Do I think Bush sucks? Yes
2. Do I think Kerry sucked? Yes
3. Do I think it makes any difference if we compare the 2 now? No, Kerry lost.
4. Do I think Bush knew that there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? Yes
5. Do I think that the American people wanted to bomb the hell out of someone after 9/11? Yes
6. Do I think Hussein had anything to do with 9/11? No
7. Do I think we suck for not focusing on Bin Laden? Yes
8. Do I think Hussein was a terrible murderer? Yes
9. Am I glad we got rid of him? Yes
10. Do I think that the US needs more than 2 dominant political parties? Yes
11. Do I think that’s gonna happen anytime soon? No
12. Do I think Bush is a liar? Yes
13. Do I think Kerry was a liar? Yes
14. Do I think Bush means well most of the time? Yes
15. Do I still think he’s a dumbass? Yes
16. Do I support our military? ALWAYS
17. Do I think we should get out of Iraq? Yes
18. Do I think we’ve made any national security progress? No
19. Do I think Bush listened to the 9/11 Commision at all? No
20. Am I a Democrat? Sometimes
21. Am I a Repulican? Sometimes
22. Do I believe you should vote for the person you think would do the best job no matter what party they belong to? Yes
23. Do I think we pay enough attention to the environment? No
24. Do I think we should be looking into different forms of fuel? Yes
25. Do I think we do that enough? No
26. Am I getting bored with this list? Yes

The Birds & the Bees

A Day in the Life of My Sexual Frustrations

Man, I talk about stuff here that I wouldn’t say to anybody. That’s ok though because writing this crap makes me feel better.

I am frustrated, not because of a lack of sex….but sex in general frustrates me. Not good, you are thinking….you’d be right. I’m also just totally confused as far as my sexual identity goes…also not good when you are 26 years old.

Heres the deal: I’m pretty much gay, I think. However, I am a Christian and I believe that being gay is not a good thing for me. Soooo, I’ve tried my best to turn the light switch and live the life of a straight person. This has not been the best experience. Guys and me just don’t seem to go together. I wish that weren’t the case. I’d love to be a straight person. I wish it was possible for me to just put girls out of my head and be done with it. But- I cant. So, I’d rather be celibate than do something I think is wrong or try to fake it and be with guys.

Heres what I don’t get about guys:

I don’t get guys that are sexually selfish. For me, sex is all about the other person…making them have an enjoyable time. The last guy I was with told me to “do my thing to take care of myself and he’d do his to take care of himself.” I don’t understand this. That’s not the point of having sex with someone….if I wanted to just “take care of myself”, I could do that all by myself without having to deal with him. The best part about the whole thing is focusing on the other person…if you do that, you aren’t focusing on your own end result, and things just happen naturally. I have yet to find a guy out there that understands this. I am sure that there are some out there, but I cant find them.
AND- how do you find a guy that isn’t selfish that way without sleeping with them and finding out the hard way. Ugh

Guys just aren’t into it emotionally…its all about the penis..

Why gayness seem to be the way I am:

I can find both guys and girls attractive. I think about girls every day though. I don’t have that going on with guys. I mean, I like some guys…but that doesn’t make me want to have sex with them….and when I feel like I might want to, the above problem ruins the whole thing. So if you think about girls a lot, are you automatically gay?

In my experience with females, the selfish thing is not a problem. Both people are working for the good of the other, which I must say, makes things go quite well.

Girls are into it emotionally. Its not just a sex thing…most of the time, I guess. I’m sure there are plenty of girls out there that are just out to get laid, and hey – whatever works for you, ya know. It just seems more of a bonding experience…you learn about each other…that’s what I like about sex.. Its cool.

I’m sure I’ll get some interesting comments on this one. For sure I am not saying that ALL guys and ALL girls are the way I am describing…its just my experience. For now, I am just taking a vow of celibacy and steering clear of the whole damn confusion. Why cant things be easy??

Thoughts

I don’t know why I feel like writing this, but I’ve been thinking about my step-sister a lot lately….not sure why that’s come into focus.

Anyway, she ran away uuuuhhhh around 15 years ago. Good Lord, it doesn’t seem that long ago! I guess Ive been thinking about her because I put that song by Soul Asylum..Runaway Train…on a mixed cd of mine and it makes me think of her because it came out around the time she left.

My sister was my “out” when I had to live with my dad during the summers. I couldn’t wait for her to show up at our house and rescue me. We usually got into trouble, but we had fun doing it.

She wasn’t perfect, although in my young eyes at the time, she was. I still miss her and think about her a lot. I hope she is happy somewhere.

I’ve also thought a lot about when I moved out and left my brother. I think the 2 kind of go hand in hand because I feel like I left him the way Kim left me….except I was more of his mom that she was to me. I wrote a poem about it all the other night. I’ll post it soon.

Sleep Deprivation

I read an interesting article the other day about sleep deprivation and the link between it and how well anti-depressants work (here).

Well, hell, if sleep deprivation makes anti-depressants work better, I should be fucking big bird or something. (Big Bird is happy, huh). I’ve been averaging 4-5 hours of sleep per night…which honestly, for me, isn’t horrible these days. I really stopped sleeping after being taken off Zyprexa at night and put on Abilify in the morning. Ive heard that Abilify can amp you up a bit. However, I feel really good. I don’t feel manic. I’m not really depressed. I feel pretty “normal”…for the first time in a long time. I guess its been close to a month now. I haven’t felt normal for a month in God knows how long.

I think its interesting in the article that they say that sleep deprivation could be effective when someone first starts taking an anti-depressant to help it kick in. I wish I’d known that, I would’ve stayed awake as much as possible!

Not sleeping can be irritating as hell, especially when you have a routine – a time that you are used to going to bed and waking up. I don’t have much control over either thing. Usually I can sort of decided when Im going to lie down, bur that doesn’t mean that sleep is going to come soon thereafter. I wake up 900 times a night, and I end up just getting up and being like 2 hours early for work.

BUT, I feel good, other than being tired....so WHATEVER.

Meds : The Sequel

I talk about meds a good bit. I guess that’s because I know that my life would be insane without them. I’ve lived without them; it wasn’t a good thing.

A couple of people I know have decided not to take anything other than anti-depressants for their Bipolarness. I don’t know that they are really aware that just taking an anti-depressant can cause mania. I know this as fact because I once decided that was all I needed also. The results were not so good. I just took an anti-depressant in high school and my first couple of years in college.

I think the bipolar bug bit me sometime around puberty…which was just wonderful…a kid dealing with puberty & being nuts is not a good mix. I started taking Zoloft when I was 16. It made me angry and irritable. Not that being angry and irritable isn’t part of being an adolescent; it was just really severe in my case. I didn’t sleep….ever…so I drank more to try to pass out. That wasn’t a good idea because I drank a lot before. I went 4 years on very little sleep….not seeing my doctor like I should.

When I was about 20, I figured something else had to be wrong with me. So I went to a different doctor. He started me on Celexa, Depakote, and Neurontin. That kinda zapped me. I took it for a while until I decided that “I don’t need meds, I’m really fine.” I was walking into walls in the middle of the night…my speech wasn’t right. I just felt like I was better without it. I quit taking it.

All hell broke loose for a while after that. I had this really bad cutting moment (the worst ever) in Texas. I completely messed my legs up with a razorblade. I bled like a stuck pig (is that a southern thing? I doubt you see many stuck pigs elsewhere). I totally freaked out the people I was staying with. They called my family. I woke up with dried blood all over me, staring up at my mom. It was not good. I went off about having a girlfriend and doing drugs, etc. I had a major breakdown. I still didn’t take my meds.

I started taking the meds again…for about a year. Then I quit again. I did ok for a little while. I was in a relationship….and that really helped. It was good to have support….I made it a few years without the meds. Until the insanity reared its ugly head again. This time it was the depression that totally kicked my ass. I slept all the time, which wasn’t too good when you are in a relationship. I was sort of despondent. I didn’t want to do anything. It took all I had to get to work. I thought the medicine thing might be worth another shot.

I saw my relationship deteriorating because of my depression. I couldn’t do anything at home. I was paranoid. It was bad. Soooo, I went to the doc again. This time I found someone who really cared. That was about ummm….probably nearly 2 years ago…maybe a year and a half.

Lamictal was the first mood stabilizer she tried and I’ve been on it ever since. I think it’s a wonder drug. I was kind of out of it for a few weeks when I first started taking it, but I got over it and now I don’t even feel like I take medicine. I don’t feel overly medicated or anything like that.
I’ve tried a lot of different anti-depressants. Depression is my main obstacle most of the time with this disease. I’ve tried Paxil, Welbutrin, Lexapro, and now Effexor. The Effexor seems to work well. I take a crapload of it, but, hey, it works.

It seems like the older I get, the more weird stuff I have going on…like noises, voices, weird visual stuff, etc. I was first on Geodon, which kinda made me feel weird…and I felt like it made the weird stuff worse….then Zyprexa, which seemed to work for a while…and now Abilify. So far, I like Abilify, it doesn’t make me feel drugged…the weird stuff is gone. The only crappy things I do now is bite my tongue in my sleep, and stuff like that….I don’t have much weird things during the day. Some times I get alittle weird at night, but nothing like I used to…no voices, very little noises, and no visual stuff. Sometimes I freak out and think that my saliva is blood and stuff like that, but that’s nothing compared to how its been before.

Soooo…basically, I am a meds advocate. I was nuts without them. Just thought I’d give my “expert” opinion ;)

Yea!!

I have internet access at home!!! I dont know what to do with myself! The cable has returned! I havent been so excited since my air conditioning kicked on :)

Katrina Blows

It's been 2 weeks since the storm. It doesnt really seem like it.

Absorbing everything that’s been going on as a result of Katrina has been horrible & I am not on the coast of MS or N.O. I can hardly imagine being in one of those places. I live about a 100 miles from the coast and it was definitely the worst thing that has happened somewhere I’ve lived in my lifetime.

I don’t have memories of Camille because I wasn’t alive in those days. I’ve always grown up hearing stories from my family and friends and coworkers when I lived in Biloxi, MS. From what I understand, Katrina was definitely worse.

To be honest, all I have gotten to see about the storm has been online. My tv isn’t working, local radio stations are off the air, etc. So, I really don’t have a handle on everything yet.

Around here, you were blessed if you didn’t have a tree in your living room. I was thankful that the only damaged to my house was my carport, which is no more, and my fence…which is really sucking for my dog.

Here are some of the things that we all take for granted on a daily basis:
1. Water – I was never without it, but a lot of people were and some still are. I can live without most things, but I intake a large amount of liquids in a day and I cant stand being without a bath for very long, so I definitely was blessed to have never lost my water.
2. Not being able to contact family. No phones. Finally my cell started working, but it sucks not to be able to make sure that your friends and family are alright after something like this.
3. AIR CONDITIONING – especially in south Mississippi this time of year.
4. Being able to wash your clothes. Now, that sucked. I got my power back pretty fast because I live in town, so I made it without having to wear dirty clothes. Like I said though, a lot of people here are still without power…so some don’t have the luxury of being able to load the washing machine. A lot of people are having to hand wash stuff and hang them out.
5.Gas, cigarettes, and Mountain Dew
6 Being able to dry your hair….especially those of us that are of the female variety.
7 No entertainment & no news…no tv, no internet access, no radio.

Things that were a bit refreshing:
1. Helping other people – You know, I really felt like I was doing something important at work…which was definitely refreshing. I sit behind a computer all day long, and I get paid decently…and what I do doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. I got to do some things at work that made me feel like I was doing something that helped people. Some of the stuff I got to do: put together and make beds, load refrigerated trucks with ice and food, work in the game room with clients, pump gas for employees. It was kind of cool.
2. Being with friends and making new ones – no electricity made me talk to people at work that I see on a daily basis, but really don’t know. That was pretty cool. Also, getting to hang out with friends was cool. I guess we all get caught up in the stuff that requires electricity that we don’t make enough time for human interaction….I know that’s the case with me. Although I don’t watch a lot of tv, other stuff takes up my time – the internet, making cds, watching movies….stuff like that.
3. Watching people helping people. Its really cool to see people come together. Guys cut the trees out of the way so we could get home from work on the night of the storm, people offer to help cleaning up…that’s cool…most people don’t even talk to their neighbors. Ive been one of those people.
4. Being able to see the stars – with no lights on, you can really see the sky. It was nice.
5. Having to be outside a lot. It was nice to be out. Even though it sucked that it was cooler out there than inside the house because of no air conditioning.
6. Doing stuff that doesn’t require electricity….reading, drawing, writing some…

Through all of this I think I’ve gotten closer to God. When I pray I think I am more aware of the blessings he’s given me….instead of asking Him for things…even the things I need – strength, etc….I’ve been thanking Him; for life, for friends, for the things we take for granted. I’ve also learned that I can live without most things…nothing really matters but Him. I’ve also become more aware of his power. I’ve seen how people have turned this devastating storm into doing good things for other people. I’ve become more aware of His grace. Theres a book that I read that gives the definition of God’s grace. I have a hard time understanding that concept, so I read it a lot. I know what it means now.

I'm alive!

Thanks for the concern...
I'm ok, my family is ok.
I live about a 100 miles from the coast & it was still horrible here. I'll write more about it later. I dont have internet access at home yet. Just got power the other day. I'm at work right now & I've gotta go pump gas (how about that for other duties as assigned!). I'll be able to post every now & then from work until my cable is fixed...God only knows when that'll be.
I'm just very thankful...the house behind me had 3 trees in it and I just lost my carport and fence. I'm also thankful that my family is alright & that I have such good friends.
My meds are doing great...still too soon for me to be too excited about it, but I hope it lasts. Still not sleeping though...I think it has a lot to do with my nicotine intake though, I wake up wanting a cigarette about every hour.
I'll post more about the storm soon.
Love you guys!