Meds : The Sequel

I talk about meds a good bit. I guess that’s because I know that my life would be insane without them. I’ve lived without them; it wasn’t a good thing.

A couple of people I know have decided not to take anything other than anti-depressants for their Bipolarness. I don’t know that they are really aware that just taking an anti-depressant can cause mania. I know this as fact because I once decided that was all I needed also. The results were not so good. I just took an anti-depressant in high school and my first couple of years in college.

I think the bipolar bug bit me sometime around puberty…which was just wonderful…a kid dealing with puberty & being nuts is not a good mix. I started taking Zoloft when I was 16. It made me angry and irritable. Not that being angry and irritable isn’t part of being an adolescent; it was just really severe in my case. I didn’t sleep….ever…so I drank more to try to pass out. That wasn’t a good idea because I drank a lot before. I went 4 years on very little sleep….not seeing my doctor like I should.

When I was about 20, I figured something else had to be wrong with me. So I went to a different doctor. He started me on Celexa, Depakote, and Neurontin. That kinda zapped me. I took it for a while until I decided that “I don’t need meds, I’m really fine.” I was walking into walls in the middle of the night…my speech wasn’t right. I just felt like I was better without it. I quit taking it.

All hell broke loose for a while after that. I had this really bad cutting moment (the worst ever) in Texas. I completely messed my legs up with a razorblade. I bled like a stuck pig (is that a southern thing? I doubt you see many stuck pigs elsewhere). I totally freaked out the people I was staying with. They called my family. I woke up with dried blood all over me, staring up at my mom. It was not good. I went off about having a girlfriend and doing drugs, etc. I had a major breakdown. I still didn’t take my meds.

I started taking the meds again…for about a year. Then I quit again. I did ok for a little while. I was in a relationship….and that really helped. It was good to have support….I made it a few years without the meds. Until the insanity reared its ugly head again. This time it was the depression that totally kicked my ass. I slept all the time, which wasn’t too good when you are in a relationship. I was sort of despondent. I didn’t want to do anything. It took all I had to get to work. I thought the medicine thing might be worth another shot.

I saw my relationship deteriorating because of my depression. I couldn’t do anything at home. I was paranoid. It was bad. Soooo, I went to the doc again. This time I found someone who really cared. That was about ummm….probably nearly 2 years ago…maybe a year and a half.

Lamictal was the first mood stabilizer she tried and I’ve been on it ever since. I think it’s a wonder drug. I was kind of out of it for a few weeks when I first started taking it, but I got over it and now I don’t even feel like I take medicine. I don’t feel overly medicated or anything like that.
I’ve tried a lot of different anti-depressants. Depression is my main obstacle most of the time with this disease. I’ve tried Paxil, Welbutrin, Lexapro, and now Effexor. The Effexor seems to work well. I take a crapload of it, but, hey, it works.

It seems like the older I get, the more weird stuff I have going on…like noises, voices, weird visual stuff, etc. I was first on Geodon, which kinda made me feel weird…and I felt like it made the weird stuff worse….then Zyprexa, which seemed to work for a while…and now Abilify. So far, I like Abilify, it doesn’t make me feel drugged…the weird stuff is gone. The only crappy things I do now is bite my tongue in my sleep, and stuff like that….I don’t have much weird things during the day. Some times I get alittle weird at night, but nothing like I used to…no voices, very little noises, and no visual stuff. Sometimes I freak out and think that my saliva is blood and stuff like that, but that’s nothing compared to how its been before.

Soooo…basically, I am a meds advocate. I was nuts without them. Just thought I’d give my “expert” opinion ;)