Maybe I'm Cycling
Ok, so the Vistaril started to work after about 2 hours and I was knocked out for the rest of the night. No paranoid moments of waking up, swearing that someone had invaded my house and was after me. That is always good. Maybe I am not heading towards mania. I feel down this morning, but, of course, it could be a vistaril hangover. I have expended so much energy worrying about what it is that God wants me to do, that I am tired from it. I havent been able to sleep until last night though. It was good to finally get some rest. I just wish that taking my meds to sleep didnt have the consequences that it does. This morning I am groggy and ill. I never know how I am going to react to the meds. I only take the Vistaril when I am really anxious. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt. Anyway, I hope the day gets better. So far, its not going so well.
I am afraid that I may have some rapid cycling going on. Not good. Either that or I am getting into one of my infamous mixed states. Do any of you have mixed states as dang often as I do? I rarely get manic as hell, but mixed states kick my butt.
About C: I think I scared him off. Surprise, surprise. I meet a good guy and he thinks I am a freak. Oh well, guess he wasnt the one for me. Sometimes I doubt that there is a one for me. I think that has a bit to do with the depression that I am feeling today. It sucks when you figure out that someone you like doesnt like you back. Oooooh well.
posted by Jil at 5:59 AM
3 Comments:
God speaks in his own time in his own way. Sometimes it's whisper. Sometimes it's a crowbar to the back of the head.
Whatever he's trying to say, all you can do is keep doing what you believe is right and allow yourself the opportunity to hear when it comes.
Chin up.
10:14 AM
Maybe you didn't scare him off...maybe you just gave him alot to think about and digest. Some people are just more cautious than others about relationships. Just give him some room and give the whole thing some time. This doesn't necessarily mean bad news...
About God nudging you...that will be revealed in its own time as well. I have found that sometimes God will start by giving me a heads up that I need to be in a listening mode. He doesn't say anything specific--He just sort of alerts me to impending activity. Then He reveals it in stages. Maybe He is just wanting to give you a spiritual "heads up"...
8:19 PM
I know this has nothing to do with your current post, for that small indescrection I apologize. I'm from Mississippi as well, and I too have bipolar. I ran through some of your earlier pictures of Pass Christian and the shell station with the house in it was a block from my old home. I just wanted to drop a line and say, being the way we are sometimes helps us see people like us. I think God sometimes made me this way to connect with the people who felt unconnected by everything. I fight everyday to keep my mind from trying to turn on itself and focus on people who need help and can learn from my problems and adventures. Sometimes it's very rewarding other times it sucks....but such is life , right. Anyway...Great Blog...keep your head up and good luck.
8:48 PM
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