Wednesday, April 11, 2007

I'm Back (I Think)

Yes, I am alive. I know its been a long time since I have written here. The wedding stuff, school, and the busiest freakin month ever at work kind of put a damper on the blogging thing.
 
I am a married woman. YAY The wedding turned out awesome. It was fun, and our honeymoon to Oregon was great....we saw tons of sealions, an eagle, and all sorts of stuff. I really liked the coast and Portland. The japanese garden in Portland was really beautiful. We didnt want to come home.....but here we are. Now we are working on doing house stuff. We're doing alot in the yard (so far its been Jeremy doing lots of stuff in the yard, but I am hoping to get out there and get dirty soon). Life has calmed a lot since the wedding is over and done with, thank the good Lord.
 
We've been focusing a lot on school. I am sooooo ready for summer break. I taught a class last night and it was interesting. I really have lost faith in undergrads at my college. I think about 4 people understood what the hell I was talking about last night and 2 of them were Jeremy and myself. However, I didnt get too many stupid questions. I think the really stupid people were so dumbfounded that they didnt even know what to ask. I think I am finished teaching stuff for the semester. I am glad. I used to think I could teach, but I dont think I can. I just have no patience with dumb people and I dont like being asked the same question 50 times. Honestly, the whole reason for getting my master's was to teach on the college level....but that was a total pipe dream. I would totally go off on someone and it would not be good. No teaching for me. I can understand young kids who dont grasp material, but Seniors in college should be alittle deeper into the learning process and I swe ar some of them act like Freshmen. Oh well, no teaching for me.
 
I havent been here to give any bipolar updates lately. Not much has changed. I am still on my same meds and I seem to be fairly stable. Meds - 100mg Lamictal, 60mg Cymbalta. I have quit taking everything else. No more Abilify. I have "crazy moments" on occasion...some noise in my ears...but nothing that Im not able to handle. I think it helps alot to have someone at home to keep me busy. I usually have a waaaaay tougher time with the depression side of things and I havent been too totally down in a while. My energy level sucks, but thats really all I have to complain about....and since I have been so busy, its probably normal to be tired all the time. My doc visits are less frequent than they used to be, which I suppose means that I am kind of where I need to be at the moment and thats a good thing.
 
I was reading through some old e-mails and I guess it kind of hit me how far Ive come from where I was 5 years ago. At that time I was in a relationship that was making me crazier than I was by being bipolar in the first place. I had just started meds and they were totally kicking my ass....getting used to them was not fun, and changing things so much made my brain complete chaos. When I ended the relationship I was in, I had nowhere to live....and just didnt think life in general was for me. Thank God for meds and the passage of time. At that time I never thought it was possible to be where I am now. In fact, I really didnt see myself living much longer....frequent suicidal thoughts, a few attempts....I'm just happy I didnt succeed. I hope if any of you are thinking that way, that somehow you can see that things wont always be like they are right now. I couldnt see that at the time. I'm actually at a point where I am looking forward to the future and I dont think I have EVER been at that point before.
 
I'm hoping I can get back to writing here alittle more often....probably not as often as I used to until school is out....but I am alive and kicking.
 
later folks.

1 Comments:

Blogger Faith said...

Hi. Glad you're back. What you said about the stupid questions reminded me of an astronomy 101 class (or, as I called it, astronomy for dummies). The TA who taught it said every night that there was no such thing as a stupid question. Oh my gosh, I kept praying he'd quit saying that, because there was a really nice but really stupid kid in the class who was determined to prove him wrong with questions such as, "Approximately when will our sun go supernova?" "My sign is Capricorn and how does that relate to" whatever the heck we were talking about that night? and other such brain burners.

Teaching is challenging and definitely not for everyone. I had seriously looked into it, but I have no tolerance for people who can learn but won't. Drives me barmy!!

Faith

1:37 PM

 

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