The Fatherless

My dad is a pretty cold dude. Growing up, we didn’t communicate unless I was in trouble, which was often…or when he felt like using me as a weapon against my mom. I grew up feeling like I didn’t have a dad. My grandfather kind of took his place, but I didn’t have a dad like other people’s dads. I’d go spend the night with a friend and was awestruck that they had dads that talked to them and did stuff with them, basically I was totally in awe of normal dads. I wanted a dad like them…but it wasn’t to be.

Today I read an article on centered prayer…this guy talked about saying a word over and over until you felt the Holy Spirit. He said that sometimes he will go weeks feeling nothing, but when it happens, it brings him tears of joy. I want tears of joy! I think I will try it tonight. I read a lot about some older forms of prayer and I think its cool to pray in different ways. So tonight my word is going to be Abba.

I am choosing the word Abba because I do have a daddy that wants to be with me. God is the best father in the world. I think about how cool it would’ve been to be hugged in a normal way by my dad growing up, and I know that will never happen….but I can curl up in God’s arms.

I’m feeling really lonely tonight and I really need some comfort. Thank God I can go to Him.