Bipolar Christian
I am feeling much better than I was a week ago, I can promise you that. I am still very lethargic. I slept a lot today when I got home, but I made myself get out and go get some coffee. I read some of the Raggamuffins Gospel and the daily Bread for the Journey inspiration. It seems like God allows me to be able to read what he wants me to read.
Anyway, I read a paragraph on moods, and it said “Your moods are not your spiritual life.” I like that because I have a tough time discerning those things. If I feel down, I feel like I have gotten far from God. When I am doing fine, I feel like I can get close to Him through prayer and reading. This is stupid. God is most likely closest to us when we are down for the count, even when we struggle to wash our hair, get out of bed, brush our teeth…do the menial things in life. My spiritual life has nothing to do with my moods. I need to get this through my thick skull. I can be unable to pray and God is there listening to my body cry. I am His whether I am happy, sad, desperate, crying, laughing….I am His.
Because I am Bipolar and have such mood swings, I feel like I have an up and down relationship with God. That’s really not the case. I have an up and down relationship with my moods. God knows my weaknesses, even if I don’t know them all. He cares, He understands, and He loves me. That’s a trip to me.
posted by Jil at 7:30 PM
5 Comments:
I struggle with this SO MUCH!!
8:38 PM
Jil - that's a great post.
I am going through my list, and just before your blog I hit another that I loved, and I think you will too. Check this out:
http://stormsofmadness.blogspot.com/2006/07/things-i-believe.html
Lately I've found myself adopting the "I can do it myself" attitude, and not allowing God to help. I'm trying to change that, and reading posts like yours helps.
8:40 PM
Now you're talking....errr, writing! What a great explanation and adaptation of what you read to your situation! That is so true...I heard a minister say to think of your Christian life as having 3 components--fact, faith, and feelings. He said to think of your relationship with Christ like a train. The engine that pulls this "train" should always be FACT, b/c the fact that you belong to Him never changes and always works. If you let faith be the engine, the "train" doesn't always move b/c there are days when your faith fluctuates. Some days you simply have more faith than others. If you let feelings be the engine, then you can really be messed up, b/c you know how unstable feelings can be, waxing and waning all the time. The only sure "engine" is FACT...nothing can mess with that.
Good job on this entry--you have given us all food for thought again today.
5:53 AM
Th eonly person who has to live in your skin is you.
For some reason, we project all this garbage on stuff around us. Things are bad internally, suddenly job sucks, wife sucks, spirit sucks.
Seeing the split between what goes on in our head, vs what goes on in our heart, vs what goes on outside of us is a really important tool in getting better.
10:52 AM
I'm glad I found this blog. I've googled 'bipolar christian blog' and fortunately found this. My biggest question as a bipolar Christian is this: when you are in a manic OR depressive phase how do you recognise what is your 'ill' voice as oppose to the Holy Spirit's OR enemy's voice? I find that they can overlap so much, i.e: I've been spiritually happy, felth the joy of the Lord, peace (as in times when I'm healthy) and that then goes over into a ill manic phase, then I fall into a major depression, as you would know, normally after a manic episode and then have all this doubt if you really DID hear the Holy Spirit's voice or if it was all just illness. In the depressive phase is all the suicidal ideation- surely from the enemy! Even though I don't (anymore) act on it, it's there in my head all the time. I find that I can not speak to anyone who hasn't both bipolar and is a born again Christian, because they won't have a clue what I'm talking about. If any of you have gone through this spiritual/faith vs the illness issue/battle PLEASE let me know. I'm desperate to know about other bipolar Christians experience on this matter.
3:14 AM
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