Bipolar? WTF are you talking about?
Do you ever have days where you doubt if youre bipolar at all? I do. No matter how psychotic Ive been, sometimes I get on a kick that Im not bipolar at all....Im just different...misunderstood...not sick. Its kind of funny I guess.
Sometimes I feel like I am being medicated to fit in. I get the notion that I should kick all the meds to the curb and be the person I was born to be....free from all chemicals.
I wonder what would happen. How long would I live without them. Could I live without them? Would I just totally make a mess of my whole life?
Is hearing things so abnormal? Maybe I am just a shopaholic. Doesnt everyone get the urge to climb on something tall and try to fly? The government is after all of us. There is a conspiracy to keep me medicated. To keep me controlled. Maybe I could change the world if it werent for the meds. Alas, the things in my head.
I say this all as I am feeling better from increasing the Abilify. It must work pretty quickly.
posted by Jil at 5:11 PM
7 Comments:
I quit taking medications completely almost 5 years ago. Besides the occasional bad day, my life is just fine.
5:29 PM
The government isn't after everbody.
They're just using you to get to me.
9:48 PM
I just came across your page as a link from another website about being bipolar. i must say that i really can appreciate alot of the things you write. i have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but often i question whether i really am. I wouldn't say that i get "euphoric or happy"; to me it's more like i become eccentric, obsessive, impulsive, paranoid, extremely irritable, unreasonable, and become uncontrollable in my actions or perhaps loud and socialable in a very strange awkward way. i have a hard time defining this as "euphoric" the way the people say mania is. all this often makes me wonder if i'm just screwed up in some indefinable way and not really but bipolar, but by seeing what you have written it seems that perhaps the diagnosis is a fair one and it's nice to know that i'm not the only person that questions their diagnosis. -J
12:41 AM
Oh I feel like that often. I get in stretches where I think that it's all been a big mistake, the diagnosis, that it was just a big misunderstanding. Everyone has days where they feel like driving into a bridge. What's wrong with spending $2500 on upholstery fabric and recovering every piece of furniture in your house even though you've never done any upholstery in your life?
But then I forget to take my meds for a few days and my husband notices the difference and I get outside confirmation from someone who loves me that I am NOT just different and misunderstood, but that I genuinely need the medication to keep me safe from myself.
3:13 PM
i'm with hockey chick. i can tell when i'm not on my meds and so can my family.
7:28 PM
When I forgot just part of my daily dosage, I slipped into a mania. I noticed, my friends noticed, my wife noticed. If your friends are into codependency or denial, they might not notice.
Keep going. I know plenty of people who decided that they were just fine without the meds. And to themselves they were. Until they did something very dangerous. And they were still, according to them, fine.
I also know people who have been on the meds for years and you wouldn't know that they were bipolar. Until they told you.
Some of the first would tell you that you have a character defect and that they have overcome it. You and I both know the clinical term for that. :)
Doubt happens. I know you have a real illness. It's not what causes these thoughts and feelings. Your meds put you in a good place.
And do I get these feelings? Yes. Now that I feel the earth beneath my feet and hear the sweet wind of wordlessness (e.g. the fans don't talk to me -- bhc knows what I mean). Savor that and love it.
6:31 PM
I think we all feel this way at times. Others have said it better than I can, but you're not alone in your feelings.
9:42 PM
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