More About Cutting

Jane asked how deeply I cut myself when I cut and if it is a suicidal thing or not.

 

Usually most of my cutting is superficial. I rarely cut very deeply. There have been only a few times that I have actually needed stitches, but I have never gone to get them for fear of what the people in the ER would think of someone who did that to themselves. A lot of times whatever I am cutting with is pretty dull because Ive used it before or something, so it doesn�t cut very well, just makes some scratches that are deep enough to leave scars that fade with the years. I have some gnarly scars on my legs from a particular time I cut after taking a friend�s klonopin. I couldn�t feel anything and I cut very badly. Those scars are with me for the long haul. My arms look pretty bad, but nothing like the tops of my legs.

 

No, its not a suicidal thing for me. Actually cutting helps me when I feel suicidal because it provides a release for me. I have tried to kill myself 4 times in my life. I have never attempted suicide by cutting. I have never even considered killing myself in that way. I have tried twice to OD and twice to hang myself. Cutting is mainly a coping mechanism for me. So I am coping, just not in a healthy way. I have also burned myself with cigarettes a good bit. Its a good thing I stopped smoking. I would say that half of the scars I have are from burning.

 

I hope that makes some sort of sense. I know it really does not make sense at all to most people. I hope I answered some questions that people have. If you have any more I would be happy to try my hand at answering them.

 

Please forgive the stupid little boxes that are replacing my apostrophes and commas and stuff. I am posting by email and it replaces them with that box. It gets on my damn nerves, but theres not much I can do since I cant access blogger from work (or I wont anyway).

 

I am going to post some research articles and stuff like that on March 1^st for Self Harm Awareness Day (if I remember).