Bitchy

I keep reminding myself that one morning I’m going to wake up and feel like its ok to be alive sometime soon, but today isn’t that day. To say I am irritable would be the understatement of the year. I really do not enjoy being irritable, I like for things to be calm and laid back…but again, its not one of those days.

8 days without a cigarette. Not as exciting as 7 was. Probably wont be exciting again until the 2 week mark. I’ve wanted one bad today….just to calm my nerves. My family is pissing me off about the cig thing. They think I should be able to just lay them down and never pick one up again with no problem. Unless you’ve quit after smoking more than half of your life, you don’t get it. It sucks. So fuck them.

Work blows. I work with a dumb ass. I was once again almost 2 hours late.

I got the “what the hell is wrong with you” phone call from my mom this morning and email from my brother this afternoon. I was supposed to go to the funeral home last night because my second cousin died….and I didn’t…and I was supposed to go to the funeral today…and I didn’t….and that pissed everybody off. Its not like any one will know if I was there or not. It may be selfish, but I cant handle a group of crying people at the moment and its not like we were very close. I only saw her at Thanksgiving every year. I mean, I really hate she died…she just wasn’t a family member I knew very well.

I AM the bitch from hell today. I want to go home and go to bed and start over tomorrow. D left last night. I am kind of glad. I am sure it has been good for me to have had someone to prod me along…but I want to be by myself for a little while. Theres so much to do when he leaves too…he makes a mess when he’s at my house. I probably wont clean when I get home because I will go to sleep and then I will be depressed because my house looks like shit.

My computer at home isn’t working.

I really hate the cold, rainy crappy weather.

I hate everything damn it all to hell.

My body feels alittle better today though.

Nice, huh.