All Mixed Up...again...

I'm in the middle of mixed state hell. Many of you know what that feels like. Its like pent up anxiety and hellish depression. Its weird. My thoughts are going 90 to nothing and my body is on the other side of the spectrum. I was confined to my couch with my mind racing...frustrations about my meds seem to be a theme. I feel crappy...I have the past week or so, its like cutting down the Effexor so much finally kicked in...maybe all the extra is out of my system or something. Anyway, I think I should go back to the other dosage. I dont know, Im not a doctor. I just know I felt better then and cutting it down hasnt helped the sex thing, so whatever. I'm also tired of gaining weight when Im not eating anything. I eat once a day...always have. I eat the same amount I always have, but I seem to be multiplying rapidly....40 pounds this year. Im blaming it on the anti-psychotic. Why do I need that anyway? Sure, I occasionally have some weirdo freakout moments, but not all of the time. Isnt there anything you can take JUST when you have a freaky moment? I dunno, Im frustrated. I need to exercise. I know this...but hell, is it going to do any good...its not like I am intaking more calories than usual or anything. Anyway, other than my medicine issues....I got a flu shot today. When I think about shots, they freak me out. Someone injected something into me...a little dose of the flu! I have a little hole in my arm where it went in and all I want to do is suck it out like its snake venom or something. How weird is that? I feel invaded. Dumb, huh. Anyway, enough whining for the night.

Really you guys, leave some of your favorite books in the book post. Im really liking knowing what yall like to read and it gives me ideas of what to read next.