I NEED A CIGARETTE.
I’ve felt the depression knocking on the door for a week or so now and wouldn’t ya know, it’s here. I slept all weekend. I didn’t get off the couch to do anything except finish my Christmas tree in the dark and I came in to work to video our Christmas play for a couple of hours yesterday. I feel like hell warmed over.
I FOUND A CIGARETTE….oh, I am soooo tempted. I feel like I have a little devil over one shoulder and an angel over the other. I remembered that I had given my boss a pack to dole out to me and there was one left in her desk. I have the cigarette (that smells really good) laying here on my desk. I’m just thinking it over right now.
I am having technical difficulties. I have a back tooth that broke and hurts, my head hurts, I have a wisdom tooth coming in, I want to smoke, I am shakey, I don’t want to eat, my stomach is messed up, I feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest, and I am mentally screwed up. Poor me, damn it.
Tonight at 10:30 I will have made it 5 days without a smoke if I can make it that long. I hate to give in, but I know my head will feel much better if I do it and I’d probably get a good buzz.
I want to go home and hide under my covers.
posted by Jil at 9:28 AM
5 Comments:
No matter what you do you have my support. But from my own experience anywhere from 7 to 10 days the heavy physical addiction goes away. From there it gets easier and easier. I honor what you have done and I hope you can hang in there. I know the depressed side. Though I am surfacing I have been down as deep as I have been in over a year. Light is returning but not to the point that I trust it. Hang in there my dear friend.
9:46 PM
YOU ARE NOT ONE TO GIVE UP!! C'MON, YOU BIG SISSY!!!! YOU CAN DO IT! GET UP, GET OUT, AND GET AWAY. MY MONEY IS ON YOU. (did you get my email about the cat?)
9:52 PM
Everytime you smoke a kitten dies.
That's right. A kitten.
OK. Maybe not, but you'll still feel bad if you do it. And you don't want that.
9:56 PM
Get the tooth fixed. You don't need that on top of quitting smoking.
10:48 PM
Dan! lol! But you know what Jil? Dan is right! A pretty little fuzzy wuzzy cuddly kitten DIES if you pick up that damn cigarette!!!
8:00 PM
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