Dreams
I haven’t really written anything personal in a while. I don’t know why, I guess the spirit hasn’t moved me…
My meds seem to be doing pretty good. I haven’t been wanting to hang myself in my closet on a regular basis, so that’s an improvement. I have been wanting to sleep during the day and Im awake at night. I take the Vistaril and it still takes me a while to go to sleep and when I do, its not quality sleep in my opinion. Ive been having the weirdest dreams.
Really, that brings me to what I want to talk about....dreams. I know you are supposed to be having your best sleep when you are dreaming, but recently my dreams have been so vivid...weird...almost scary...so much so that I feel tired when I wake up from fighting with them. Anyone know that feeling, or am I just weird?
When I was in junior high I moved away to the crappiest place on earth. I hated it. We lived in a shack in the middle of town. Everyone hated me at school. I was drunk all the time, slept (or passed out) outside a lot…wasn’t allowed in the house a lot of the time because my mom had just remarried and she wanted to be with him more than she wanted to take care of us. Anyway, it sucked royally.
Last night I dreamed that I had to move back there by myself….there wasn’t really a reason why, I guess…all I remember is that I had to take a plane, which was kind of funny since the place is about 2 hours away from where I live. I got lost at the airport. (I was at this huge airport, which doesn’t exist in MS). I had this cool cell phone thing that gave me directions though…but it didn’t work right. I could take a picture with the phone to show it where I was and it gave me directions from there (I need to invent this)…ANYWAY, I finally got there and I lived in this one room place and I cried and cried and felt sick that I had to be there.
A couple of other times this week, I have dreamed about my sister. As Ive said before, she ran away a long time ago. Ive dreamed that she came back and I didn’t know who she was. Once I figured it out, I thought it was awesome. One time I dreamed she was on meth, hung around a couple of days and then robbed me blind and disappeared again.
When I was in high school, I couldn’t sleep because of my dreams. I know that sounds stupid. I was scared to sleep because my dreams where so real and I dreamed a lot about blood….blood everywhere, guts, nasty stuff.
Does this make any sense? I’ve had really vivid dreams most of my life. I can remember dreams that I had years ago because they scared me so bad…or I woke up thinking they were real all day long. Do we have any dream analyst out there?
posted by Jil at 6:26 AM
5 Comments:
I rarely ever dreamed before I went on brain meds. Now I dream almost every night. My mind is too regimented and logical, and the dreams are usually replays of things that have happened in my past, but they do come with increasing frequency and vividness.
7:55 AM
I’ll skip the Freudian introduction-mainly because I don’t think there is much hidden in this (at least not to someone who’s been there).
Last night I dreamed that I had to move back there by myself….there wasn’t really a reason why,
You have an unresolved issue with this place & you are the only one who can address it.
I guess…all I remember is that I had to take a plane, which was kind of funny since the place is about 2 hours away from where I live.
You have attempted to put a great distance between yourself and this place. It’s not as far away as you think.
I got lost at the airport. (I was at this huge airport, which doesn’t exist in MS). I had this cool cell phone thing that gave me directions though…but it didn’t work right. I could take a picture with the phone to show it where I was and it gave me directions from there (I need to invent this)…
We know you’re lost. We also know that you can be overwhelmed with all the crap in your head. The support you need is not readily available in Mississippi, and the magic wand you need hasn’t been invented, but you do know what needs to be done.
ANYWAY, I finally got there and I lived in this one room place and I cried and cried and felt sick that I had to be there.
Eventually you will get there and remember and live it over again. And yes it might make you sick. What’s missing from your dream is the healing that comes with remembering and resolving.
A couple of other times this week, I have dreamed about my sister. As Ive said before, she ran away a long time ago. Ive dreamed that she came back and I didn’t know who she was. Once I figured it out, I thought it was awesome. One time I dreamed she was on meth, hung around a couple of days and then robbed me blind and disappeared again.
It might be a wonderful experience to have your sister back, but you are afraid that she hasn’t changed, and she will leave, and the emptiness you feel will be worse than if she had never returned.
5:56 PM
Here's an interesting article I found. I don't know if it's applicable since it's about night terrors, but the principles are the same.
After my parents' divorce, I also had to move to a really crappy town in the middle of middle school/junior high. I had bad dreams then and episodes of wetting the bed (blush). I still was too old for that of course. But it definitely had to do with circumstances. Can't remember how long it went on, but I have been having bad dreams ever since I was diagnosed. On and off, but still transpiring occasionally.
6:53 PM
Hey, Jil! I've been checking on the camp in GI, and just got back. I found a quote that I liked alot and it reminded me of you:
YOU CANNOT CHANGE WHAT HAPPENED,
BUT YOU CAN CHANGE WHAT HAPPENS
NEXT.
Talk to you soon....
7:18 PM
Dang, Anonymous 1 is GOOD! Once I read what they wrote, it did make sense.
Have you tried taking the medication earlier so you'd be tired at bedtime?
I naturally drift to staying up nights, sleeping days & continually have to readjust my sleep pattern. So many bp people are like that, actually, all that I've talked to.
3:00 PM
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