In a Funk Again

I feel like I never really got started today. I got up and went to church and then did my normal Sunday ritual of lunch at my grandparent's house. I stopped by to see my mom who has returned from Belize with pictures of her "petting" 8 foot sharks (and I wonder where my insanity comes from), and then I came home to try to do some stuff in my house. If you've ever been depressed for an extended period of time, you know that your house goes to hell in a handbasket (what the hell is a handbasket?). My house is nasty & I am a bit of a clean freak. It makes me wanna hurl just thinking about all the stuff that needs doing. I have so much laundry to do that I could clothe a third world country with my dirty clothes. However, I have tried and tried to get started and its just not happening. I just counted 15 mountain dew cans on my kitchen counter...yeah, seriously.

By 3:00 today I was totally wiped out...I slept on my couch, waking every once in a while to think about all the crap I needed to be doing instead of laying on my ass. I thought of all the stuff I'd LIKE to be doing...painting, drawing, finishing some poetry...and then I got depressed because my motivation is gone and my creativity is negative on the Creative Energy Richter Scale (which I just invented).

I got off my ass at about 9 and did something that every broke insomniac in the world should do at 9 at night - I went to Starbucks. I felt like I needed to get out of the house because I wanted to jump off a cliff, so I went for some crack in a plastic up as I like to call it (it costs as much as crack too).

So here it is...11:00. I've done nothing constructive as usual. I don't know why I've been crappy today, life is good. I guess sometimes that doesnt matter.

The shelf thing that my records are on crashed today and my room is littered with Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, and Bob Dylan. If you've read my post about how OCD I am about them, you'd know that this is a serious event...the alphabetical order thing is shot to hell and thats a major undertaking. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I talked to D. this afternoon. I think his grandfather had a heart attack (literally) while we were on the phone. They were going to the hospital and I havent heard back from him, so I dont know if he's ok.

I dont know what Im going to do now, but I feel like I need to do something...maybe throw the mountain dew cans away.