Tonight, Tonight...
Sometimes I understand why people would be afraid of the mentally ill, me in particular. Tonight my mind wages a civil war against itself….against my body. Everything I know as good feels like it’s been forced to seep out of my pores into a puddle on the floor. I’ve lost a battle tonight, I’m ok, but I am in some way defeated….with only a few war wounds. I hate this fight, I hate these mountains and canyons…never ending cycles. Did I once say that I wasn’t sure if I’d choose to be Bipolar? If I did, I was in a moment of insanity….the pain is overwhelming when it visits…not just to me, but people around me, whether they realize it or not. I’m a burden…a nuisance…defected….tired…angry. I’m angry at this disease & myself for not being able to handle it. I just don’t get it.
posted by Jil at 3:19 AM
1 Comments:
Let me tell you about juggling. Sometimes it is difficult to keep all the balls in the air, even on a good day. It doesn't make the one that is juggling LESS. So what if he drops a ball or two? It happens; you try to figure out why all of a sudden your coordination has gone south; you put it away for a while, then you start back up again. You are never a nuisance or a burden and so what if you go thru a spell of not being able to handle your bi-polarness? Don't you understand that YOU are teaching the people that read your blog so much about this enigma that you struggle with? So never think people fear you...they are the shoulders you can lean on; the hearts that hurt for you; the eyes that see inside you, and the people that love you. I am so sorry you are in a dark place now but hang on. The light will come creeping back for you---hang on.
11:29 AM
Post a Comment
<< Home