Dating & a 646 pound catfish

I am feeling a little better…or good enough to know that I cant stay here alone at night. Last night and tonight I went and visited with my grandparents, I’m just getting home and its about 11:30….thats good. If I keep myself busy from 7pm-midnight I stand a pretty good chance of being ok. At least now I have enough energy to know I need to get out and do something….thats good.

I met a guy. We are going out Friday night to see Batman. (YES – Me…Jil…going on a date…you didn’t read that wrong). We talked for a long time tonight. He’s really nice. He said one thing that he likes about me is that I’m not “traditional”…not sure what that means, but I think he meant it as a compliment. I am pretty far from traditional I guess. I told him tonight that my longest relationship was with a female and that didn’t phase him at all, which was a bit of a shock & definitely a relief. Anyway, I have no expectations…I just think it will be nice to have someone to do something with…it makes me alittle nervous…but good nervous, I guess.

That brings me to the topic of dating and being bipolar. I didn’t drop that bombshell on him…I thought the lesbian thing was enough for one conversation  When is an appropriate time in a relationship to say “by the way, I have a chemical imbalance”?!?! I’m not planning on sharing that information too soon, but, like I told him tonight, I don’t like feeling like I’m hiding something from someone in a relationship…whether it’s a friendship or whatever…I have to be who I am ..I feel like hiding these things is a form of dishonesty & I’m a TERRIBLE liar. The timing is a hard thing to gauge….and then you never know what kind of response you may get. I haven’t dated in a long time, so I haven’t had the experience of having to figure this stuff out.

Honestly, meeting him and talking to him has done a lot for my self esteem…whether it pans out or not. I think I get into the phase of I AM bipolar instead of I HAVE bipolar (calm down you bipolar folk) and I feel like I have a defect….but hey, I thought the lesbian thing was a flaw too and he took that rather well. Anyway, this event has given me something to look forward to. I’m glad that I’m feeling alittle better…not too sure that I am in the most pristine state of mind, but I’m coming out of the shadows alittle at a time and I guess that’s all I can hope for.

Ok, I have to ask, did anyone see the picture of the 646 pound catfish? Holy shit, that blew my mind. See, Steve, you aren’t the only one with random thoughts…and by your request, I’m working on a couple of poems that I have started and never finished so there should be a couple posted pretty soon.  I’m off to attempt to sleep.