Crazy Frickin World

The breaking news of the day: Some crazy dude was coming to kill us all at school. Thank God we arent there very much!! Apparently this guy was posting stuff on myspace about killing people and a bunch of crap about some girl (who apparently didnt want anything to do with the dude). The girl told a professor at our school, who checked out the guys myspace page and alerted authorities. The guy is 25 years old, and a student in the architectural program (the program that J and I are in), which means he takes classes in our building. The police were called and went to the guys house with a search warrant. He had an ARSENAL in the trunk of his car! He was coming after us! They say that the myspace stuff started before the horror at VT. Good Lord, you never know, do you?

 

I dont even want to talk much about the VT stuff. I think that the media is way out of line with what they release. Personally, knowing the guy was nuts is enough for me. I do not care to see pictures of him brandishing weapons 24/7 and mumbling about how shitty his life was. No thanks, and Im sure the people in Virginia dont want to see it either. Cant the media drop it and let the families and the campus heal instead of pouring salt in the wounds every 5 seconds with more info than anybody wants to know. The media is just doing what the killer wanted them to do....they are giving him the attention he wanted, and they are planting this kind of crap in the minds of other wackos who will want to out-do this kid. I'm tired of it. Im praying for the victims families, the family of the psycho, and I hope that God will place his hand on their shoulders and help them through this. Its awful.

 

I hope all of this crap doesnt intensify the stigma of the mentally ill. Of course, it will...I am sure. Obviously, the VT guy didnt want help. He had chances to change things...to help himself....people tried to help him, but he obviously wasnt having it. You cant be helped if you arent willing to be helped. I learned that early on in the Bipolar diagnosis stage, thank God. I had to accept help, be open to things, be honest to my doc, and work HARD to get to where I am now. Its not frickin easy, as anyone with bipolar disorder can tell you. It SUCKS. New meds, side effects, not sleeping, sleeping too much, invasive thoughts, sounds, nightmares, the spending, the shaking, the crying...just read my archives, my story is there. You have to be willing to hang on to the hope that theres light on the other side of the tunnel....even if youre hanging by a string at times. You have to WANT to be well, or youre never going to be. You have to WORK to be pulled out of the misery, y ou cant just lay down and take it or it will overtake you. It can get out of control. You have to get off your ass, as hard as it may be, and DO something...even with no energy, even if you cant brush your teeth, even with everything crashing around you....and it SUCKS, but its necessary if you want to ever have any kind of decent quality of life. I struggle all the time....but not as often and not as severe as I used to, and theres such a difference from where I was to where I am now, that I feel like a totally different person....still me, but not so sad and angry and guilty and crazy. Bipolar doesnt go away, but we can give it hell.

 

Other things: Chantix? Anyone? I need to stop smoking damn it. I need a cig right now. crap.

 

later.