"Friends"
Ok, I have to vent before I can sleep, so here I go. I don’t know WHAT THE HELL the deal is, but some how, some way, I make everyone I know hate my guts.
For example – tonight I went to my moms and had dinner and it was great. On the way home I thought I would go by and see a friend of mine that was pretty much my mother all through high school. We’ve lost touch some because she decided to hate me when I was with Linda, but I thought we were over that since Im not with a female at the moment. Anyway, I called and she answered and I said “This is your long lost surrogate child.” …she hung up on me. I went by there and she wouldn’t come to the door. It seems I am really good at getting people to hang up in my face. That’s like saying F*&K You to someone…. I swear I don’t need enemies with the friends I have…ummm, oh yeah, I DON’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS!....or none within a 500 mile radius anyway.
I don’t understand this though. What is it about me? Everyone I love goes nuts and leaves me or hates me. I think I am a pretty damn nice person. I like doing things for people, I am a good friend, I think. I must be missing something. Anyone give me some clues??
So now, her goal is reached and I feel like shit. I swear, I really go out of my way to be nice to people and when I really care about someone I think they care about me too…I guess that’s bullshit. People really suck. I guess I expect too much from people, but you know, hell, I don’t expect a lot. All I wanted to do tonight was see pics of her new grandson and catch her up to speed on what Im doing. Oh well. I have this problem with giving up on people, I shouldve given up on her a long time ago when she got all pissed about the lesbian thing. People are SO conditional. She could hack someone to pieces and I’d still love her.
I feel like crap. My NP always says I have low self esteem, well no fucking wonder.
posted by Jil at 8:28 PM
7 Comments:
Aw Jil. That's just shitty. I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. Some people just suck, you know? I am proud of you for trying.
6:41 PM
hey jil. i agree, you are a really nice person and you don't deserve that bs. I really struggled making friends as a kid and i always tried to be their friend 'make a friend to be a friend' and it never seemed to work. But it just takes time. People will get to know the real you in time. You are a gem.
9:29 AM
Jil,
I can't believe it! I've got the same problem! I've been on psicotherapy for a long time and this is the most recursive subject I've talked about.
On the very beginig I expected a lot from other people, I've talked this on the sessions and I down my expectations and now I feel like I'm not enough for 'em. Anyway, I've got a theory about friendship:
"There 3 kinda people. The "Friendables" are those which don't need to be kind and good at others, they have friends and attract'em with no effort and of course they have plenty of friends everywhere (like my lil' bro'). The second kind are those ones which don't attract others but they can perfectly match with the "friendables" and they get along SUPERB! The last ones are people like me I call my self as an undesirable type of friend, which don't have a lot of friends, they don't have trusty ones and of course they don't attract people. Usually people like me get along with "friends" for a while until something happens as a new boyfriend or something like that and gradually they forget about me!
I've written a lot about friendship, but mostly in Spanish. After all I am pretty similar as you.
Conclusion, your "friend" is a piece of s.. (sorry) you've forgiven her as a good Catholic does. Don't feel guilty! There are tons of people like her in this f.. world. And the most important thing is NOT a sin being lesbian 'cause you're a human being before all.
11:13 AM
My problem is I am too shy to make friends :( And the "friends" I do have tend to take advantage of me, like they are only my friend for what they can get from me, know what I mean? Anyway, I do have one or two good true friends but I've pretty much shut them out. That's my own fault.
7:18 PM
Some people are bastards.
No matter who you are or what your worth they always have to hate you because that's their nature.
Don't let her bother you.
You got all of us and we're a hell of a lot cooler than someone who would treat you that way.
10:29 AM
A lot of people walking around on this planet are just douche bags. You can't please them no matter how you try.
At least you make an attempt to be nice to people. To treat people with honesty and dignity. That's a lot more than I can say for several of our fellow human beings.
new website:
http://leavesanity.blogspot.com/
11:19 PM
You hung yourself out there, she cut you off at the knees. Pretty cold. She's not worth worrying about, but I'm still sorry it happened to you.
8:33 PM
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