Gaydom & Contentment
I�m struggling with my sexuality AGAIN. Whats new? Anyway, deep down inside I know that I am gay. I have said this before. I just don�t WANT to be gay! I don�t think its what God wants for me. But sometimes I wonder, maybe he made me that way, knows how I am and loves me anyway. My family doesn�t see it that way though. I don�t know. Its such a frustrating thing. Theres a girl I really like right now and its killing me. I don�t want to want her, but I do. Not everyone struggles with this obviously. Why cant I be one of those people that would never consider being with someone of the same sex. Life would be so much easier for me. I wouldn�t totally hate myself. I cant be happy being gay because I think its wrong, but I cant be happy being straight because Im frickin gay. It sucks. I wish I struggled with something else�alcohol, drugs, something! Why this? Why me?
I met a cool guy online, but he lives 90 million miles away and its weird with me and guys. I can like them as friends, but when it comes to sex, things just don�t work out. I swear this crap makes me want to die. I wont do it, of course, but it makes me think that way.
About the being content thing. I didn�t mean it as being content where you are spiritually, emotionally, or even being content with where you are as far as learning and personal growth. I mainly meant it about things like where you live, your position at your job, and stuff like that. I think we shouldn�t be content as far as learning and growing�.but maybe we are supposed to be where we are as far as other things go. I don�t know. My brain isn�t working.
posted by Jil at 5:22 AM
5 Comments:
I believe everyone struggles with something, and just because my struggle isn't with homosexuality doesn't mean that what I DO struggle with is any less of a battle. I could write a long list of "thorns in the flesh" that people can have, but I would inevitably leave some out because the list is too long to even think of! I found the following link for you, it might have something that could help you sort out your thoughts. You're in my prayers!
http://search.family.org/query.cfm?qt=homosexuality&style=family&Search.x=28&Search.y=5
7:13 AM
We're never content with our lives until we're content with ourselves. We have to know ourselves better than anyone else.
God made animals that look silly, why can't He make humans so that they act silly?
Who are we to say what God does or doesn't want? When we say what God does or doesn't want, we tend to get rigid and inflexible and wars break out... (Please see Middle East and India/Pakistan).
We do the best with what we're given. God is not only just, but merciful, right?
Presuming on God is bad. Living with what He gives you, regardless of how hard that may be, shows you're willing to see his plan through. And that only makes you stronger by anchoring you to somethign very important.
Yourself.
11:51 AM
Wow, sweetie . . . you'd rather struggle with drugs or alcohol? Alright, considering you're from the Bible Belt (I know, I've lived it), I can see where you're coming from. But being gay isn't a bad thing! Really. It's a tough lifestyle, and how you handle it depends on a lot of factors--religion, society, etc--but know that you're definitely not the only lesbian out there, and they've been able to do it. You'll figure it out, but know that people aren't going to like you or not like you based on your sexuality. And if they do, then we can call them bad names :-)
I'm in your corner, girl!
1:11 PM
You know, I've rewritten this comment umpteen times because while I feel it's important to respond to you on this issue, I want to be careful not to tread on your religious views, which are so obviously important to you and integral to who you are.
You've been raised to be a good Christian and that means many things, but it means love and tolerance for your neighbour, among other things. Would you judge your neighbour if they looked different? If they were another colour? I would think not.
Being lesbian is no different. It is simply who you are. Born. Lifelong.
I play hockey with scores of women who have struggled with what you're going through right now, who've tried to be something that they're not. And then have finally reached a point where they realise that the only thing they're hurting is themselves.
When I was a little girl and went to church, I was taught that God was love.
Love knows no bounds: not colour, race, creed or gender.
And everyone deserves love.
Even you, despite what you might think some days.
Please accept all of this in the best intentions.
7:19 PM
There's a great song called "Nature's Law" by a band called Embrace. I could tell you how it goes, but it would be better if you just watched the video. It really describes your situation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_o3uLrKduS0
4:56 AM
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