Weapons of Past Destruction
I feel like crap this morning. I slept about 3 hours. I will be taking the Vistaril early tonight and maybe I can get some rest. I am just royally messed up right now for some reason.
I don�t know why, but some past stuff is bothering me pretty bad. I think its because Ive been seeing my dad a good bit lately. That�s always enough to drag up some lovely memories. Its really hurting my brain right now. I like to say none of that junk bothers me, but on occasion it crashes down on me and suffocates me. Its really hard to function with that on top of a depressive episode.
Can you ever get past horrible things in your life that have happened to you? I forgive. I cant forget�and it all chooses the most inopportune times to attack me. I was doing just fine and them BAM � I�m screwed. I feel like just staying at home and crying all day, but I cant have a mental health day because Ive been sick all frickin week.
I�m having a hard time. I don�t really know what to do about it. I am taking my meds and all of that great junk. Maybe I need some time off from dad, Ive seen him the past 3 weekends in a row. I don�t know, I hate to be like that, but damn, I just feel overwhelmed right now. I�m really sensitive to EVERYTHING. I could cry at the drop of a hat.
Oh well, this too shall pass.
posted by Jil at 8:52 AM
2 Comments:
the hardest person to forgive is yourself.
I can forgive other people doing stupid ass shit, but when I screw up? I'll beat myself bloody with it forever.
Remember, it just goes to show how good of a person you want to be. And if you don't strive for something, you just sit in one place doing nothing.
Sometimes, we just have to remember to be our better selves now, and worry about beating ourselves up later. :)
10:33 AM
I know exactly what you mean about the past sometimes circling round to bite you when you least expect or want it.
You're allowed to take time off and time away. From things. From people. You are allowed to look after yourself.
The only obligation you have, actually, is to yourself.
So if you want to have down time, away from some situation or person that seems to dredge up bad things, then take it.
And don't forget to breathe.
7:15 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home