Unreasonable??
A Letter to my Boyfriend (thats not really my boyfriend)
Below you will find some requests that I ask of you. I think they are reasonable requests if we are going to continue seeing each other as often as we do.
1. If you are going to move the coffee table to do yoga in front of the tv, move it back when you are finished.
2. There should never be a ham sandwich on my coffee table after you leave if it is a sandwich that I am not eating.
3. Please, God, throw your shit away.
4. It is gross if you do not shower and use deodorant EVERY day, not just days you go to work.
5. I am not going to have an orgasm no matter how long we do it because of the meds. That means that I do not want to have sex for 3 hours. That may sound like a good idea to some people...but it doesnt to me....alittle over an hour and things start hurting and it gets boring. When you catch a window of opportunity, dont pass it up for my sake.
6. Do not put ONE article of YOUR clothing in MY washing machine if there is a buttload of clothes in my hamper. My clothes need love too and you are wasting the shit out of laundry soap.
7. I dont give a fuck about video games. I do not want to watch you play them....especially ones where girls in bikinis are wrestling.
8. Sometimes I am not horny, sick, tired, and just plain do not want to have sex. We do not have to have sex every time we see each other.
9. I do not understand why you have to whack off 3 times after we have sex for 9 million hours. Is something wrong with you??? Do you have some type of weird sperm-making disease??? Anyway, if you have to do it (and at that point, I am sure as hell not helpin you out) - GO TO THE BATHROOM OR SOMETHING.
10. If you want to see or "talk" to other people...dont be mad when I do the same.
posted by Jil at 4:57 PM
14 Comments:
Damn, i only have 35 credits. let me see if i can waste time so i can rent your blog...hold out for me for another day!
7:09 PM
I like D double e's suggestions. And at least the dog will do his best to clean himself. I think most men must have these built in sperm-makers that go into high gear whenever they breathe.
Are you really going to tell him all this? If so, give updates please. :)
4:32 PM
That was the absolute best thing I have read all day long! LMAO! I had a boyfriend JUST like that once - oh god I feel for you!
5:38 PM
Great post Jil. Thanks for coming by and saying hello. Oh, and thanks for taking the tag. Please remember that not all men are that way :-)
10:03 PM
Wow. I think number 7 did it for me. This guy sounds like a sexed up smelly guy. Bummer for you.
11:13 PM
God, a guy who is able to whack off after sex with a woman? Wow! I am amazed!
Maybe he needs to be put on an SSRI.
Seriously, most of the things you ask for are very reasonable. (I do some of them and my wife does some others.) But the guy might need to bring himself down after a night of passion with you. Just sigh and let him do it. It is not an insult.
2:29 PM
Joel, yes an SSRI would do the trick. He tells me that he whacks off 6 times some nights when he's by himself so he can sleep. He's got some super human balls or something.
Dee - Youre probably right...however, I'd rather hang with Marley :)
Jane - nah, I probably wont tell him all of this. I will probably keep it all in and explode one day and tell him to get his ass out of my fuckin house.
YES A SEXED UP SMELLY GUY....although he is doing better with the bath/deodorant thing. I gave him some Axe stuff for Christmas ;) hahaha
4:40 PM
Oh my lord.
What can I really say?
Where's the war? 'Cause someone brought the whole damn trouser navy.
8:40 PM
Maybe you ~should~ rent him out or find a girlfriend that you can share.
8:42 PM
Seriously, I really didnt know it was humanly possible for a guy to ummmmm...you know...6 times in one night!! Whats up with that. Guys? Is this anywhere near normal? He says he cant sleep unless he does it.
Joel- oh no, no sharing women... if it happens, I will have one of my own and kick him to the curb.
6:16 AM
Can I borrow a couple of those?
10:18 AM
Borrow all you want....borrow him for God's sake!! Please!!
10:21 AM
Something is wrong with him.....6 TIMES!!! Good lord who would want to have to be his partner and deal with that all the time. The rest of what you describe sounds like you are dating a teenager! Although I have to admit, I on occasion, have had to watch WWW. he diesnt make me watch him play videos, or play with himself though. WHEW!
1:38 PM
Jil: My wife and I have always said that if one of us has a girlfriend, we share.
:)
2:47 PM
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