A New Year

I was thinking back to what was going on in my life a year ago. It was my first Christmas without Linda in 4 years. That was tough. I miss her at Christmas. This year I wasn’t as sad, which was a good thing.
Lets see, this time last year I had been at my job for 2 years. It feels like a hell of a lot longer than 3, I can tell you that.
Hmmm….I had been in my house for 8 months and I probably still didn’t have any furniture.
No telling what medicine I was on, I change so much. I think I was on Lexapro, Geodon, and Lamictal…but I really don’t remember.
I was having a lot of spiritual life turmoil. I was baptized in the last year.
Looking back through the archives, I think I was questioning myself a lot….not that I’m not anymore, but I think I’ve answered some of the questions I had. I am more accepting of my disease….that its real - that I have to take meds, etc.
I think I was more on the creative side of the bipolar spectrum at this time last year….especially from looking at the archives. I have no poetry, no new drawings or anything right now. My creative energy is nonexistent at the moment.
My blog has grown as far as visitors go….last year at this time about 2 people actually left comments on occasion…and I write a lot more often. I started the blog in February.
Anyway, things have changed a lot…I was still settling down from leaving Linda (although sometimes it still feels like it happened yesterday)…I think I’ve matured a good bit in the past year, which is always good.

Anyway, whats going on now: My Effexor has been cut to 75mg. To be honest, I thought that coming off of the stuff would be a lot harder than its been so far (knock on wood). I haven’t been nauseated. I really expected it to be bad from what everyone has said. I have some dizziness, some depression (not too bad)…but that’s about it. Every now and then I feel like I might possibly be headed towards the manic side of life…but it usually just ends up that I am just shakey or hyped up for a short period of time. I have cut since backing off the Effexor, which sucks. I’ve done it twice, on my ankle with a knife. That’s happened in the last month or so…You know, I don’t know what that has to do with medication, but it seems like I didn’t cut as much on Effexor than anything else. Who knows. The Wellbutrin seems to be ok. I don’t feel pissed off or anything. The sexual side effects seem to be diminishing a little bit….still nothing earth shattering, but hey – cant expect that all the time.