Some Craziness
Ok, so we are sitting in our living room Christmas morning (my mom, step-dad, brother, and step-brothers). My mom & step-dad announce that they are ready for grandkids and they look at me and then my brother (who is soon to be engaged, but don’t tell anybody because no one knows but me and you guys now…hahaha). I found this to be quite hilarious, since barring a MAJOR mishap, the cross-dressing giraffe on my desk at work has a greater chance of having kids before me. I will leave that to my brother….and maybe the giraffe??
I pre-warned D that my step-dad is a total dumbass and told him not to pay attention to anything he says. Thank God for the warning, because as soon as D walked in the door, my step-dad announced “Congratulations!” When D asked what the hell he was talking about the S-D said “Well, Jil is pregnant and I assumed that youre the father.” What a fuckhead….a fucking fuckhead. Thankfully, D is about like me and we both rolled our eyes and I told my S-D to shut the hell up. I shouldve TOLD him that he’s a fuckhead.
I am once again having issues with the bisexual thing. I don’t love D. Can I love a guy? I know I can love a girl. Maybe I am really gay. I like D as a good friend….but we sleep together…hmmm…I confuse myself. I have gay friends that think I am just totally kidding myself and think its almost embarrassing that I am trying out the straight side of life. “Youre frickin gay!” – A nice quote from one friend yesterday. What if I am making a fool out of myself. What if I have no business whatsoever dating guys. I wish I could find a guy that I wanted to be more than friends with, but it never happens.
posted by Jil at 11:48 AM
4 Comments:
Good question Jil.... Have you just never found the right guy, or are you never going to find the right one because there isn't one for you...
The only answer is in time... The fact that you are open to possibilities, and understand that love is what it is--regardless of what limitations or notions we attach to it shows that when the answer presents itself, you'll be ready.
You're a sweet and beautiful person Jil. Never sell yourself short. You deserve what's best for you.
As far as S-D goes... that is a stellar example of classlessness. 'Nuff said.
12:01 PM
Just a question for you to ruminate upon: What is love?
When you think you have an answer, talk to others and look around a bit more. Maybe you do love D. Maybe you love a lot of people and don't even realize that the feelings you have for them is love.
Just a note: if you love women or you love men or love both, it doesn't matter to me. All I ask is that you never exploit another person just for the sex, that you are mindful of your partners' feelings as well as your own and that you never allow yourself to become someone else's sex-thing.
Would I make a better step-dad, ya think? :)
2:50 PM
Jil, you are a class act for putting up with a S-D like that. Peace and grace.
12:03 AM
Joel - I know Ive been in love once. I'm not in love with D like that. I do love him in a way....a I dont want anything bad to happen to him kind of way. I dont use him for sex...we really are good friends...and we talk and make sure that the other person is well aware of how the other one feels about things. I dont let him use me either...we have a very interesting relationship...kind of a weird one, but it works for the moment. I just know its not long term....and he knows that too.
4:45 AM
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