Peer Pressure
Ok, this is kind of weird to talk about. There is this faction of lesbians where I work. I used to be some-what in the faction….but not really. I’m not much into cliquey crowds and nobody ever wants me in their clique anyway. Anyway, I like all of them as people, they are fun and cool to be around, but they always bug me about being gay. They say that I AM gay and theres nothing I can do about it and I am just being stupid trying to be straight. They’ve given me hell from the beginning for dating D.
I am not really sure what to think of this other than the fact that I don’t like to be told what or who I AM by anybody. I don’t get why they WANT me to be gay. To be like them? Am I not cool if Im not gay? I don’t know.
What I really don’t like about it is that #1 I don’t like people to bug me about anything in general and #2 they really make me question myself. If a bunch of lesbians are telling you that youre gay, you start to think maybe they are right. I mean, if they are gay, shouldn’t they be able to tell if I am? Hell, it gets my brain all messed up. I just don’t like being harassed.
Maybe I am totally gay, maybe I am bi, I really don’t know….but that’s not for anyone to decide for me, dang it. I just get irritated every time someone talks about the issue (which apparently isn’t a secret where I work). OOOOoooh well.
posted by Jil at 10:58 AM
11 Comments:
Maybe you need to lay it out to them: that their teasing is unacceptable to you. Many straight women are harassed by straight men and yet they have the right to set a boundary. You have the same right.
11:15 AM
tell them they can't convert you. you are what you are. and you know what you are.
oh, and congrats on the cat!!
11:31 AM
Damn straight.
Wait. I didn't mean it that way. ;)
12:11 PM
Fuck them. Well, not literally, unless you think one of them is cute...
Anyway, there are a lot of lesbians (and others) out there who get freaked by bi people because so many times we're told that we can choose to be with men if we want, and then people point to bi women and say "See? They do it." that and the fact that a lot of us claim to be bi on our way to being comfortable in our lesbian identity. It's their problem, not yours, you just keep being who you are and finding your own path and let people who can't accept who and where you are fall to the wayside.
12:48 PM
tell them you're neither, you're in love with your self. (;
3:16 PM
maggs, I think it is a little different. Jil may be gay. But these women are teasing her about something she doesn't like being teased about. The usual folk-psychology puts the burden on Jil to "just get used to it".
And I say tell them that they are being inappropriate. The issue isn't Jil's sensitivity, it's their insensitivity.
trista: Should we pitch in and buy Jil a strap-on?
I agree. I know a couple (and have read of another) where the guy is gay and the woman is lesbian. I've also heard of marriages -- with children -- that have that pattern.
The partners think of themselves as gay or lesbian. They encounter the same "you must be a traitor" flak.
In the story of the couple I read about, the counselor told them to just not mind what other people told them about their sexuality. Go ahead and make your own.
Dear Jil, go ahead and make your own sexuality.
10:51 PM
Hi Jil.
Those people are just asses. You are who you are & if you're confused about it right now then that's your right. They can't tell you who you are - you are your own person.
That would tick me off as well. I say - stand your ground & tell them you refuse to accept any more comments on your sexuality - it's a closed subject.
8:04 AM
Joel: I'd pitch in, and I'd volunteer to show her how to use it ;) but only if that's what she'd like to learn.
I like your focus on appropriateness and boundaries, I hope Jil knows that I completely respect hers (plus she's like a bajillion states away from me, oh yeah and I'm happily married. But a girl can dream, can't she?)
12:53 PM
I'd definitely need some help with that Trista, its quite an awkward thing for me...I suck at it, so I'm usually on the other end of the bargain....so if you volunteer......hey, i can dream too, right?? ;)
1:10 PM
I tried to answer this twice yesterday & Blogger wouldn't let me. What you've described is blatant sexual harrassment & there are laws against that. Also, what business is of theirs what your sexual preference is?
If it were me, I'd tell em to FUCK OFF. I really would.
1:25 AM
I agree with Jane, with this proviso: serve them one "cease and desist" warning. Make it clear that it does not belong in the workplace and that if they continue, you will go as high up in the organization as you must to end the behavior.
Just because they are lesbians like you does not give them the right to harass you. Give them one chance.
10:24 AM
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