Guess I needed to prove Im an ass
So I drove...
and I decided to call a friend.
shes been in the hospital with her mom that has cancer and her dad that has heart problems all day long.
I start with my bullshit. Honestly, I wanted to call to see how she was doing since she'd been doing doctor stuff with them all day, but I didnt make it that far. My am I gay / I hate the world shit is nothing compared to what she's going through, I know that. Basically, I dont think she appreciated me calling with my BS since she'd been dealing with heavier things all day. I understand that. I just needed someone to talk to....even about dumb shit...and I thought maybe she needed someone to vent to also.
I dont know....guess not.
I just feel bad that I unloaded my crap when shes the one that most likely needed to unload a lot more.
I feel like I ruin every friendship I ever have. I dont even know if my "friends" even consider me a friend. I dont know.
I'm going to drive again. I gathered all the meds in the house when I got here...I probably have enough to do the trick...some trazodone, seroquel, a lot of excedrin and tylenol....I know I dont need to do it. All of the meds are in a pile on the table so I am going to leave them there and go somewhere else.
posted by Jil at 8:01 PM
5 Comments:
That's right, you best leave it there!
Hey, I added you to my MSN Messenger, where are ya?
8:53 PM
Damn. How much does it cost to take the bus to Alabama? I'm going to come there and just sit with you while you struggle with this. Or I wish I could.
Dear Jil: this is the disease talking like it talks. You're in the middle of a med change. This is seldom a good time physically and mentally.
You are a worthwhile human being and people do love you. Your words are words I could have written a year ago. And they make me cry for you because I know how much you are hurting. I want to take you for a long ride across the country and let you watch the sunset over the Pacific, telling you all the way that this feeling you have is only temporary and that together, we can get through it.
Yes, Jil, you have friends. They comment here all the time. Yes, sometimes we tease you. But if this gets too much just say "Not right now. I'm not in a good place." And we'll give you every break we can until you feel better.
These same people want you to make it. They care about you because you are one of us. And we ~know~ what it is like and we are going to be the last to tell you that the hurt isn't real.
Remember: these feelings will pass after the meds perform their changing of the guard. Hold on, dear Jil. Hold on because we love you.
P.S. If you want my phone number for the purposes of calling someone who will listen, drop me an email.
9:29 PM
Jil,
I'm very concerned about you. I'm also having my anti-depressant changed & so I've been feeling as though I'm crawling out of my skin lately. PLEASE remember that these feelings of strong depression are temporary. They're more likely from the med change. Please don't entertain thoughts of taking all those pills.
You're hard on yourself cuz you're depressed right now. The things you say you are, I say you aren't. I see a totally different person than what you call yourself.
I've said inappropriate things to people when I should have focused on them too. It happens. You know, shit happens!
Keep breathing. Drink water if you need to. Keep writing. Please.
You got my email if you need. I'm here.
11:37 PM
Just remember, you have people all over the country from blogland who are thinking of you and pulling for you.
8:11 AM
I always find that when I'm most down, I enjoy helping others. I think most of us do because it takes our mind off our own troubles and helps us feel useful. Likely your friend felt the same.
BP is right. We're all pulling for you. That's alot of pull.
9:46 AM
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