pain

Well, I’ve been kind of crappy this week. I haven’t felt good physically….I have sinus crap going on & my brain is just funky. I’ve even taken Vistaril during the day hoping that it would calm me down…..It’s an irritable thing, not a wired thing. I have anxiety and it makes me cranky. I feel alittle better today, but I am still just tired and somewhat ill. I just feel the darkness creeping in again and it’s a terrible feeling. It sucks when you feel like that….like youre doomed. Hopefully I will perk up some. I have moments when I am ok, and then I start sinking again. I call it the quicksand phenomenon.

Digibril made a comment about one of the CS Lewis quotes. It’s a quote that I like and have a hard time with at the same time. I know that makes no sense, but I wanted to talk about how I interpret it and another quote that I really liked. I still want to write more on the book overall, but Ive been thinking about writing this for a while.

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

This is the one I like that I also find hard to deal with.

God whispers to us in our pleasures….I guess to some people that’s self explanatory, but I think that can mean a couple of different things. I think it could be he whispers loving things to us and it can also mean that we don’t hear him well while things are going good because we think we dont need to. He speaks in our conscience….the rights and wrongs of everyday life….and he shouts in our pains. I think that’s the toughest thing to understand. Does God shout at us and make us hurt because we are bad? I don’t think so. I think the best way to think about a loving God letting us feel pain is that it happens to bring us back to him. Kind of like I said before….sometimes we don’t hear what God has to say when things are all happy and grand.

I think God uses my pain to talk to me. He’s my comforter, my only light in the darkness, and the only way out of the pit I find myself in. Why do I find myself in the pit? Well, I think that’s a question we’ll all have to ask frickin Adam & Eve. I think it has to do with the fall of man. When that happened, we became conscious of ourselves as self and God as God….only then were we able to experience pain. So what the heck does God have to tell me that’s so important that he’d allow me to hurt so bad? Hmmm….I think it can be different things. He tells me that he loves me and will help me through it, he tells me that I cant do anything without him, he tells me that I have to trust him, and I think that kind of leads to the next quote.

"[Pain] removes the veil; it plants the flag of truth within the fortress of a rebel soul."

I like this one because it’s true. Pain makes us see the truth. It makes us see how earthly the earth is and how holy God is. It brings us to our knees and shows us that we are weak and that God is strong. I think that’s what is meant by the fortress of a rebel soul. You don’t get much more rebellious than Ive been….and its taken a lot of pain to wrangle me in…and I don’t think God is above doing that…using pain to bring us to Him. He’s doing us a favor by doing that. He’s saving us. Hurt alittle on earth….hurt a lot in Hell? Anyway, I just understand how truth relates to pain and pain to truth because Ive experienced it myself. We all have. We all hurt. We asked to see the truth in the Garden of Eden….and now we see it….and its not always pleasant.