Down
Tonight is one of those nights where I feel crippled….my soul writhes in pain; I can almost see it as something other than me. Its times like these that I think I have a demon. Its such an empty hurt…bottomless…no way to tell where it begins and where it ends. Why does this happen? Its something so separate from who I am and how I want to feel and live. I know a lot of you understand how it feels.
posted by Jil at 10:52 PM
2 Comments:
I used to think of that feeling as a black hole. I thought a realtionship could fill it, success could fill it. I now think it's a hole that God created in us intentionally...his reservation of sorts. A place for HIM to be, a hole that only he could fill. A place we could try to fill up with junk, but that when we allow him to he will empty out the junk, and fill it with the peace that only he can bring. I was at that place once in my life, letting him fill it, enjoying the peace that he brought in the middle of life's biggest crisis. I hope that makes sense. I feel for you that you are in pain. I have to keep reminding myself that he made me this way, there has to be a reason for it and he will get me through it if I can just let it go and let him.
10:23 PM
I don't believe in demons anymore - I used to though.. I don't know why it happens ... I feel that asking that question can sometimes make it worse.. I find it easier to just accept that it hurts.. and to try and take some shelter or refuge until it passes. Isn't there a passage in the Bible where it says something about.. the whole of creation groaning in travail (ie pain)? I sometimes find this helpful.. Pain is intrinsic to life and being alive.. Now that I say it, it doesn't sound very helpful though.. sorry.
Take care jil - hope things improve soon,
B
3:54 PM
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