Animal Kingdom

Well, well, where has the day gone? I must’ve missed it as I was slumbering on my couch half the day. I crashed after work. My energy fades quickly. Still have a dirty house. Oh well, damn. Tomorrow is definitely going to be clean up day (I say that every day, don’t I).

My mom called right after I got home from work. There has been a tragedy in our family. My brother has had the same 2 fish for at least 5 years. He loves them, treats them like dogs or something. He takes them to a fish doctor when they are sick. I’ve never known anyone to love a frickin fish so much. Anyway, today their tank got too hot and they went belly-up. My brother, God bless his sweet soul, is ultra-sensitive…much like his older sister. He has cried all day long. I couldn’t call him because if he cries, I bawl….so I haven’t been able to express my sympathy yet. Poor guy, he had a pet chicken this summer…a little black chicken that he rescued on my dad’s farm. He toted the little thing with him around everywhere….then he started sleeping with it. He could call the chicken and it would come running to him. It thought he was its mother or something. Anyway, my brother rolled over on the chicken one night and killed it. He cried for a week….and he had only had the chicken about a month. So, this fish thing is going to be brutal. His heart is even bigger than his football playing body. I really feel bad for the little ass….he will always be a little ass to me, I don’t care that he could bench press me 9,000 times. I have to quit thinking about it…it’ll make me cry just knowing that he’s so sad.

D. called tonight and wants me to go with him Friday to take his personal trainer certification test…that might be a cool outing. I think he’s coming over Thursday night to see my house (see, tomorrow has to be clean-up day). Don’t worry though (you worriers know who you are), having gnarly scars on your legs (and burns at this moment) really aids in abstinence. Poor guy. I’m really starting to think that he likes me…which is an enormous occasion since I have the self esteem of a rock.…a small rock….a pebble if you will. It’s hard for me to believe that someone really wants to hang out with me. He’s called every day since he got my number…so apparently he likes talking to me too. This is strange….very very strange….its kinda cool tho. The only major issue that I have not divulged at this point is thre cutting/burning thing….thats a biggie….that wont come out for a while.

I woke up at about 8 & then got out of the house for a while…did my Books-A-Million/Starbucks routine. I’m having a bit of an emotional overload today for some reason…not sure what that deal is. Its one of those nights where you have to be careful what you watch on tv because you may end up bawling on the couch with your dog for 10 hours.

Speaking of dogs – Marley has gotten really skinny. I hope its just because its hot and she doesn’t want to eat or something. I’m alittle worried about her. I cant feel her ribs or anything, but shes getting REALLY skinny. I hope I am feeding her enough…sometimes I worry about my ability to be a good mother. I feel like I neglect her a lot when I am going through a depression. She can tell when Im depressed…shes much more calm and she licks me a lot. Sometimes I feel like I can hardly take care of myself and that its an injustice that she got me as a human. Sometimes I think about letting my mom have her because she'd take better care of her. I really suck at being a mom. Shes the best dog. I got her some new dog food…I hope she’ll like it and eat more.

I’m off to watch Law & Order re-runs. Its an addiction.