A Bipolar Christian

Heres a quote I read this morning….its by Gerald Sittser, who lost his wife and 4 year old son in a car crash with a drunk driver:

"The sovereign God," he writes, "who is in control of everything, is the same God who has experienced the pain I live with every day. No matter how deep the pit into which I descend, I keep finding God there. He is not aloof from my suffering but draws near to me when I suffer. He is vulnerable to pain, quick to shed tears, and acquainted with grief."

I was reading about people in the Bible and notable Christians that have experienced major depression…here’s a few : Elijah, Job, Saul, Judas, Jeremiah, C.S. Lewis, Martin Luther, Charles Spurgeon….even Jesus, I mean, if you sweat blood you have to be feeling pretty bad.

A lot of Christians think you can pray your way out of depression…or if you read enough scripture, you’ll find a cure to your malady. I think this is true for people who are spiritually depressed. I think there’s a difference in being depressed because you’re discouraged and being depressed because your brain is different from “normies”.

When I’m in a funk, as I’ve been the past few days, I try to remember that Jesus felt every emotion that we do because he was human. He’s felt like I feel…even if he wasn’t bipolar. A bipolar Jesus? Ok, that’s kind of funny. Anyway, it does help me to pray and to read the Bible to an extent, but it doesn’t cure me. Maybe if I was in a convent and prayed and read scripture alllll day long, it would help more…I don’t know. However, I must say that I believe prayer works….it may not cure you, but in my case, I’ve prayed to be delivered from the pit many times…and eventually, I always make it through. I believe God gives me strength when I cant make it anymore….even if I feel like crap, He’s there. I try to remember that….but sometimes its hard.

I’ve read about depression in the Christian Courier and a few other Christian sources, and I think one thing that’s lacking in the over-all world of Christiandom, is a sense of understanding for people with mental illness. A lot of Christians think that you shouldn’t take medicine…that you should be able to pray your way out of the darkness. I hope that changes. I welcome prayers for me and I pray a lot, but it can be discouraging to read something that says that practice should make me alllll better. My brain is different. But- that makes me who I am….even if I don’t like it a lot of the time. I just wish there was more understanding.

Here’s my point of all this rambling: Being depressed doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s something wrong with you spiritually. Mother Teresa could’ve been stricken with schizophrenia….she just wasn’t…but she could’ve been. But – if you’re one of us that has one of these biological troubles – remember, that there is hope…even Jesus, who knew he was going to die on a cross…felt depression. He understands even if no one else does.