Bipolar & Useless
Man, Im having a hard time remembering my meds. I missed them yesterday, got some coffee last night and didnt sleep a wink. I actually slept from about 3 a.m. until 5:30. Not my idea of a very restful night. I played on myspace all night. I am addicted. Go to www.myspace.com/sunraven0 if you want to be my friend :) Just send me a message so I will know you came from here. I like going on the bipolar groups. I learn a lot about meds and other stuff there. Its pretty cool. A lot of them have the same info on them though and that drives me crazy.
I think my mood is shifting up a little bit. Its kind of scary though, especially since I didn�t sleep last night. Why is it like that? One way or the other? Sleep all the time or sleep none at all. Ive been told that there is no happy medium with our moods, even with meds. Thats kind of depressing. I guess even normies don�t have a happy medium most of the time, but it sure would be nice to just have a normal sleeping pattern, normal appetite, not cry, not want to jump off of a building, not think people are going to invade your house, not hear stuff (although that has gotten MUCH better since taking Abilify, it works awesome for me). Is that asking too much really? Even though my meds kind of have me in a better place moodwise than no meds at all, things still aren�t right. Is that just the life of a bipolar person?
I have done absolutely nothing all week. I swear I am thoroughly useless. I am planning on cleaning my house this afternoon and mowing my yard in the morning if it doesnt rain. I am so tired of rainy days. Talk about doing nothing, if it rains I cant function for some reason. I think me and a friend are going to ride our bikes to see Talladega Nights Saturday afternoon after my yard mowing frenzy. I need a dang tractor to get to my house. My yard guy has deserted me. :( That seriously disturbs me, and hell, it rains every freakin day anyway, so when am I supposed to mow the jungle?? I wont mow wet grass�just not gonna happen with my new lawnmower. Ok, I just wrote an entire paragraph about the grass at my house. How sad that I have nothing better to talk about.
posted by Jil at 6:53 AM
4 Comments:
I can so relate! I have been up for 3 nights,last night I slept two hours and the 2 nights before I slept 0, and before that all I wanted to do was sleep. I hate it.
12:06 PM
I guess I'm lucky right now. Long string of 5-6 hours a night. Short but something.
It'll get better Jil. I promise.
And you know what's cool?
I'm never wrong. :)
1:42 PM
A whole paragraph on mowing your grass???? That sounds positively NORMAL to me...perhaps you are more of a "normie" than you realize! I think we are all in some sort of state of flux---not where we've always been but not where we ultimately want to go, either. You are probably just transitioning b/t being out in the world and returning to school. That's enough right there to disturb anybody's sleep. It'll get better soon. Hang in there.
5:43 PM
Hi Jil. I am bipolar too and just had an allergic reaction to Lamictal, with the swollen throat and glands. Well, next I tried Topamax and that made me feel as if I was going to slam my head into the side of the shower, made me see demons, and all sorts of horrible other things.
So now my doc said we were going to try an entirely different class of drugs, starting with Abilify. I am writing because I noticed you mentioned that you take it too. I have read of all sorts of horrible, although rare, potential side effects with Abilify as well.
Right now my moods seem to be more even than they have been in a long time, even though I have been pulled off all the meds until all the allergies have cleared up.
I am writing because I have the Abilify sitting on the kitchen counter right now. I have been staring at it, debating with it, debating with myself about it, trying to decide what to do about it. I know I feel okay right now, but how long can this last? I have had such terrible reactions to the last two drugs, physical with Lamictal, and physical, mental, and emotional with Topamax, that I am terrified, absolutely terrified, to take the Abilify at all. What if I take it and it creates a situation which is worse than the bipolar itself, which is how I felt with the Topamax?! I know you are not a doctor, but if you or anyone else out there can even begin to identify with what I am saying, or has had an adverse reaction to Abilify, I feel like I really need to know.
I'll be honest, I don't really know how this blog this works too well. If this is the wrong place to ask questions, forgive me. So if there is a site to send me too to talk to other bipolar people, that would be great too. Any information you could give me would be great. Good luck and God Bless You.
6:45 PM
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