Tired and Babbling
To say that I am lethargic would be the understatement of the year. I slept all day yesterday after work and all night. I woke up once to talk on the computer for a while and I woke up at about 9 to let my dog in. I could continue to sleep all day, I think.
I dont have much new to report. I am still pretty down for the count. I dont know what the deal is.
My brother is coming down tonight to play with the new guitar software I got. That should be cool, I havent even messed with the software much, but I think you have to have a midi input and I dont have one, so I have no idea if it will work. We shall see.
I have been meaning to draw for the last couple of days, but I havent had the energy. I bought some new paper and some pens. I have never done pen and ink, so it should be interesting. Since my creative bones have been broken by meds, I havent been able to come up with much to draw. Ive been looking at magazines for ideas, but nothing has sparked anything in my brain. That sucks about meds. I am a fairly creative person and it just hasnt been happening for me for months now. Its quite frustrating. My NP says that since the creativity part has slowed down, the analytical part of my brain should perk up, but Ive never had much of an analytical part, even without meds. AND, I don�t really care about the analytical part. My work requires creativity and so do my hobbies. Oh well, its part of the price we pay to be sane I suppose.
What is sanity though? I may not be at the point where I think I can fly and that theres another dimension to the world that only I know about, but I am drowning here. I dont feel like I am in the sane department at the moment. I am too down and out to be completely sane. I guess sanity is knowing right from wrong, real from imaginary. If that�s the case, I guess I am sane, but who knows. Who gets to make the sane rules? Can a bipolar person be sane and feel good? Or do you have to give up any vitality of life that you ever had? I dont know. I am just rambling I guess. I just wish I felt good.
posted by Jil at 7:32 AM
3 Comments:
Feeling disconnected from the world and yourself doesn't seem like the kind of thing we should be striving toward as the model of normality.
Take care of yourself, and in time this will pass. It always does.
And then we can go flying together.
1:21 PM
Jil, my wife and daughter are bipolar, one has gone off her meds and things are interesting, the other is arriving shortly and things will be even more interesting. Being disconnected is a normal state if you have little to connect to, you seem to have a world around you, hang on to that, if only by a fret.
3:26 PM
Yes, I think that being bipolar and taking your meds is the ONLY way to continually feel good. Of course, everyone is not going to have a great day, but I've learned that just being "okay" should not be taken for granted anymore. Your creativity will come back - it did for me. I'm not much for one to talk about meds right now though - trying to come off Seroquel and it's not working very well. Good luck!
8:04 PM
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