Medicine - The Other White Meat
Well, I took my meds this morning because I basically was paranoid as hell last night. If we arent already crazy, it'll sure happen trying to get meds out of your system. I swear. Anyway, I hate meds. I guess I am bound to be a boring person thats bored all the time. I hate having to depend on something for sanity. I feel like I am poisoning myself. However, its a good thing I dont own a firearm because I probably wouldve used it on myself last night. This fucking sucks.
posted by Jil at 6:57 PM
4 Comments:
Poor girl. Yes, the situation is shit. "Mental health" and "balance" and "normalcy" are always going to seem dull and gray compared to the vibrant colors we see being bipolar--even if those colors are dangerous. Dangerous is exciting, and safe will always be tedious. It becomes a matter of what you can really LIVE with, what is worth the price, and also what you are willing to make others live with. Insanity never looks more beautiful than from the outside, but it is vicious within. Good luck and feel better.
8:05 PM
jill,
Get with your support group now. Call them even if all you have to say is hi. Anytime guns are mentioned, its an opportunity to check in with those who are helping you. Call your therapist if all you can do is leave a message as simple as "hi. this is jill. Today's not a good day." Once when I mentioned a gun, they locked the entire clinic. You would have thought it was a bomb threat. And in a way it was. Take care of yourself and...
Be well
L.King, Oakland, CA
10:33 PM
You, on your very worst day, are so much better in so many ways than most people are on their very best days. So what if you feel dull or mentally and creatively lethargic from time to time? You know the feeling will pass...you know that after you bottom out, you begin to upcycle. And most importantly of all, you know that people would rather have you around in all your "bipolar glory" than not have you at all.
6:30 AM
I understand the push/pull of creative versus drugged. Maybe you have already tried but is there a different set of drugs? I know that it was a long time before I struck a balance, and now while I border on depression/mania sometimes, I still have it mostly under control and am still creative. You will never create another piece of work if you are dead... Please hang on.
9:10 AM
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