Another I hate meds day
I've been seriously considering dumping the meds. Maybe there is a bipolar part of me that thinks Im better and I dont need them (No, Im not bipolar!) Have you ever thought that before! ;) I dont like having such vivid dreams...I'd like a good restful nights sleep...and the drugs dont work, they just make it worse (as Ben Harper says). I feel fine....and the side effects suck....poor D (yep still seeing him) probably thinks hes doing something really wrong...and he's not, I just cant ummmm...you know....and it sucks to be 26 years old and need some sort of female viagra or something. What a bitch! Its just not right. Shit, I just want to be a normal person...thats all Im asking for. I feel like the drugs control me...like being put in handcuffs or something. I feel like the person I am while on meds is not the person I really am. Sure, I hate depression...sure I hate mixed episodes...sure I hate weird hallucinations...but thats who I am apparently. If I die because I am bipolar and I shoot myself in the head, maybe thats how its supposed to end. Instead of being me, I am who the meds make me. They help me, I know...but they hinder...and control...uuugggghhh
posted by Jil at 6:31 AM
5 Comments:
I've been feeling the same way lately. except for the female viagra thing. That's all you.
;)
1:25 PM
Jil, I just weigh the risks and rewards and know that what I am on is a better deal than being hospitalized. Sorry for the trite answer, but I've found that the side effects can limit your speed of thought sometime or make you feel so sick that you would think you'd do better off them. I do know that you can feel great the first few days off, but just be careful. You are loved.
(O BTW I'm so sorry to have posted here before without introducing myself. But I'm bipolar too and just wanted to say thank you for letting me post here.)
12:20 AM
;) dan, the female viagra thing really sucks.
digibrill, thank you for your comment...I enjoy your comments. I'm glad you wandered here. I know you are right, but its tough sometimes you know. I know you know because you are like the rest of us. Post on, my friend....you are welcome to post any time...in fact, I feel like people are actually reading what I write here when I have a comment...and that makes me feel good and gives me a reason to write when I dont have one :)
2:17 PM
Hi...got her through the webring. The bipolar person in our home is my husband. I'm so sorry you're having a bad time with the meds...as they say at www.crazymeds.org, "Crazy Meds Such Donkey Dong!"
It has really taken my DH quite a while with a really good doctor to settle on a "cocktail" that works for him without making him feel chemically straightjacketed. He just gains weight and his hair falls out, but he feels better. Argh.
Just wanted to offer some support, and hope that you get something good figured out soon. In our situation, if we can tackle the sleep issue successfully, we're halfway home. And Abilify was a bit of a blessing. Mania is the challenge here.
12:58 AM
I was originally diagnosed as being tripolar, then quadripolar, after that a specialist declared me septipolar, but later revised that to omnipolar.
Now they say I'm a Dove bar.
If you give up your meds, can I have 'em?
11:29 AM
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