Meds and Animal Sacrifices

Today I read about an American man who decided that he would try all sorts of different remedies for his depression. He went to different support groups, took different medications, tried the homeopathic remedies, etc. He went to west Africa, where they have a process called "ndeup" - which is much like voodoo... the process is supposed to rid you of spirits that cause your depression. It involved some drums, a ram, a bird, herbs, and all sorts of stuff. The guy had to lay down with the ram (which was alive at the time) under 12 blankets while people danced around. The ram's throat was slit and the man was covered completely with its blood...they let it dry and wrapped the man in the rams intestines...buried some stuff...stomped on some holes in the ground..and then women spit mouthfuls of water all over him to clean him off. The man said it was more satisfying than any psychotherapy session he'd been through in the west because of the sense of community. Interesting...it kind of reminded me of the women in the sweat lodge in California...What we go through to rid ourselves of our "demons!"

I came across that story as I was reading about alternatives to conventional medications, therapy, and the like. I read about Omega-3 fatty acids, St. John's Wort, and all of that good stuff. I'd be willing to give that stuff a try in addition to my meds, but who knows how things like that will react with the meds I take.

I once knew someone who took about 30 freakin herbal supplements and vitamins a day to "feel better". I don't know how that could make you feel better tho - it'd make me sick to my stomach, no doubt. It didnt work very well for her either. She was one of the most depressed people I have known.

I think about taking vitamins because my diet sucks. I eat crap, to put it bluntly. I know I don't eat enough vegetables and all of that good stuff. I don't cook. I eat at McDonalds more than any homosapien should and I like coffee and Mountain Dew (I'm totally addicted). I don't know what vitamins or herbal supplements I can take tho...I guess thats a question I should pose to someone formally educated in the field of medicine ;) I dont want to add 10 more pills to my daily intake, but I'd take a vitamin or 2 if it would help.

I get ancy and irritable and want to throw the whole tub of medication that is taking over my dining room table far, far away....If I dont eat and I take my meds in the morning, I feel like crap...I feel like my emotions are blunt or I feel like they arent blunt enough...theres never an in-between...but who doesnt want everything to be perfect, I guess.

I read this today - "What these drugs do is to allow you to have your pain in more important places, in better places, for richer reasons".

Hmmm....I know that I'd be screwed if I didnt take my medicine. I've finally come to that conclusion. Now, who knows- in a month I may think I'm just fine and I dont need the damn things....but at the moment, I do realize that they've probably saved my life. Theyre just such a pain in the ass! ...and then there is the side effects...the sweating, hot flashes from hell, the weird things my mouth does when I'm falling asleep, sleeping too much, not sleeping enough....I wont even address the sexual side effects...the list goes on and on. I've heard the question raised more than once, "which is worse, the disease or the cure". All I can say about it is that I guess being alive is worth the side effects....or, I guess it is at the moment.

It really trips me out how long depression has been studied...in 30 years, the medicines we take today may seem stupid. Think about how far the field of psychiatry has come in the last 30 years (dont listen to Tom Cruise)...but how much more is really known now? What the heck is this medicine going to do to me long term? ...at least I'm not having to have 900 million jolts of electricity run through my brain, although at times I would definitely do it if it would help.

Oh well, dont worry, I'm not going to start sacrificing rams.

D. and I are going out tonight. I always get nervous before he comes over....maybe thats a good thing? I dont know - its hard for me not to stress about such things. He's so freakin cute tho!