Love & Depression

Everyone has been depressed at some point in their lives….it just usually doesn’t last as long as it does for some of us. I think depression can certainly be a result of the loss of something…love, a job, etc…but I don’t think that loss is the only cause. I can feel down about nothing, and I am sure that other people are the same way.

I agree that depression can destroy relationships with others and definitely makes it hard to be alone with yourself. There are times when Im really depressed that I actually want to be around people...even if I am feeling alone in a crowd, sometimes just the human interactions around me can help take my mind off of things. I often feel removed from life around me when I’m like that tho.

Does love protect the mind from itself? Well, I can love people and still be depressed as far as friends and family go. I don’t stop loving other people. However, I rarely love myself...and that has a lot to do with my depression. I tend to be less affectionate with my family when Im really depressed. I don’t want people to touch me.

I get wrapped up in the meaninglessness of life and everything else from time to time and that also adds to my depression. Many times I do feel insignificant, and I feel like everything else is insignificant too. I try to focus on the fact that God has a plan for me…I’m here for a reason…and who am I to question it? I pray that God’s will for me will be done, but sometimes the human nature in me just wonders - Why the heck do I have to go through this life? Why does anyone?

Love doesn’t always help depression. I’ve been in love twice, once with someone I had a relationship with for a long time, and the other I was just friends with in school (I never told him). Love helps depression, but it definitely doesn’t cure it…and depression was one of the root causes of my last break-up. I just wasn’t able to hold up my end of the bargain...I slept too much, couldn’t help around the house, tried to self-medicate…and although there where other reasons, my depression was a big part of it…I never fell out of love…I just felt like no one should have to have the turmoil of having me around…and I couldn’t handle the turmoil of anyone else. Maybe it was selfish? I don’t know – Sometimes I just feel like I need to save people from having to be around me.

In high school and during my first year or so in college, I was in love with a friend that had gone to school with me for a while. That love, in itself, was depressing because I felt I wasn’t good enough for him…..had too much baggage...so I never expressed any interest other than friendship.

For me, loving myself is really difficult. I go further down the spiral when I can’t do things around the house, enjoy things like painting or drawing, etc. I am hard on myself about a lot of things – past & present. Sometimes my depression focuses on the past, other times its the present…sometimes I don’t feel like Im doing “what I should be doing”. Sometimes its focused on every little thing I hate about myself, sometimes it’s a depression that seems to have no cause or focus whatsoever.

Everyone in the world can love you….You can be in love, love your family and your friends…but when youre sick, that doesn’t mean the depression will be or can be cured by love. For me, sometimes it has a lot to do with how I see myself, but that doesn’t mean its that way for everyone.

However, whether or not love helps depression in some way shouldn’t even be a question. Sometimes the love of another or giving love to another can be the only light in the darkness. I am lucky to have people that love me in spite of my weirdness and I have great family and friends that I love a lot...thinking of them has definitely kept me in the game of life more than once.

I guess that’s my 2 cents…if it means anything.