To Be or Not to Be?

2 days in a row! I’m on a roll.

Sticking to the subject of my bipolarness, for some reason a question reared its head in my brain as I started to write: Would I choose to be bipolar if it were a choice?

First off, as I continue, I must say that I am certainly not speaking for the whole kingdom of the Bipolar….these are just my brain ramblings…...Also...this is NOT an "I have" or "I am" discussion that some folks like to get in a wad about.

Given little time to think the question through, the answer would be an adamant “No”….quick and simple. It would be nice to be a “normie”….not having to deal with figuring out meds & taking them. I guess a lot of normal people have to do that too though. Not having to try to wade through the depression would be the best part of being normal, I suppose. I would venture to say that most normal people don’t think of suicide all the time…and fewer have planned it out, or actually attempted it. That would be the #1 thing I’d give up, no doubt about it. I can think of nothing good about being depressed.

However, I think it’s important to keep in mind some of the “benefits” of this disease. Not many diseases have benefits! There are definitely aspects of the illness I’d choose to keep.

Not all bipolar people are artistic, but I personally like the creative energy that God gave me. I’ve read TOUCHED WITH FIRE: Manic Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament by the genius, Dr. Kay Jamison, and I do think that if I weren’t Bipolar, I probably wouldn’t be as creative….but who knows! I’ve never been normal, so I don’t have the experience to compare it to! I like to paint and draw and write….I think sometimes that the bipolar view of the world aids those things.

Hmmm…let’s see….I also like the occasional “sensory overload”. Most of the time I really enjoy the times when I really, really notice sounds, smells, and the world seems bright. The best is sensory overload on a motorcycle! There’s a place I ride that sometimes really smells like sawdust and for some weird reason it’s a really comforting smell to me (yes, I’m a weirdo)….I like being able to inhale and feel the breath go through my entire body. Also, there are days when a human touch can make my day. Now – don’t get me wrong – this phenomenon can also down right drive me nuts! I notice the sounds of fluorescent lights in my office, if my faucet is dripping in my kitchen (2 rooms away) I cant sleep because the sound drives me up the wall, sometimes someone touching me makes my skin crawl….but, all in all, the good is worth it. I have no idea if all people who have this disease experience life this way, but there’s nothing better to me and I wouldn’t trade it. I also like sensory overload on the beach, or anywhere calm really. I notice the grains of sand, the sounds of the birds, the ocean, the smell of the water. It’s pretty cool.

Ok, that’s enough, my brain hurts. Basically, I can’t answer my own question….I guess theres no reason to answer it anyway…there isn’t a choice involved. More Later.

Oh yeah, comments are always welcome.