Career Turmoil

Lately a few folks have brought up the effects that Bipolar has had on their careers. It seems many bipolar folks I know have woken up one day to find their careers in shambles. I can totally see how that’s possible.

I’ve lost a couple of jobs due to the disease, but thankfully I was young enough to where it didn’t really effect my “career”…they were sales jobs I had while goofing off as a youngster. One time I had a meltdown while living in another state & woke to find my family staring down at me. They took me home and I didn’t have a chance to even tell the people I worked for at the time. I later called and apologized, citing health problems as the cause of my disappearance. Another time I just walked out on a job & quit. I had been having a tough time, after deciding to quit taking meds…and I just couldn’t handle working in a stressful environment. I quit and started working at a laid back music store and everything was ok. It just isn’t in my “normal” personality to just walk out on a job.

For the past few years I’ve managed to work without any significant problems. Thankfully, I work somewhere that I can take off if I am unable to function. I miss a good bit of work doing the doctor circus act, and I had a stint where I couldn’t wake up & I was late a lot. I also had some serious anxiety attacks before my meds got straightened out. These days things are pretty stable tho, which is a very good thing.

Working has been a big part of my life since I was young. I started mowing yards when I was 11 or 12 and have had a job of some type ever since. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t work. Do I think Bipolar is a disability? Yes…for some people its much more of a disability than it is for others. I rarely feel disabled, but when I do…it sucks because you have no control over it…most of the time I don’t feel that way for an extended period of time, and I’ve been blessed enough to find meds that work pretty well. However, when I was not taking medication I had a few periods of time in my life where I was really unable to do much of anything other than freak out. I didn’t want to be around people, dealing with stress made me want to crawl into a dark cave and live there for the rest of my life, I was so anxious and sped up at times I couldn’t remember what I was doing (which sucks when you are responsible for counting down drawers in a sales job), I wanted to sleep my life away…or I couldn’t sleep at all. I just couldn’t do much other than try to chill out at my house, which was depressing in itself.

I can relate in the sense that I have been in those dark places where daily living is the biggest, overwhelming chore known to mankind. Brushing your teeth takes all of your energy, you don’t eat, you don’t sleep…youre too up or too down...its horrible. I have just been fortunate that I was young enough when I dealt with those things that it didn’t have lasting effects on what I wanted to do career wise….so far…I just pray everything stays stable.