Knowing Who We Are

If you havent read BiPolar Guys series on Over-Identification and Under-Identification, go read it�its really good. It definitely gave me food for thought. It made me think about the age old question � AM I bipolar, or do I HAVE bipolar disorder. I think most of us use both terms interchangeably, but I think theres a difference.

 

As Joel has said, I am more than Bipolar. Even though I say that I am Bipolar, I mean that I have bipolar disorder.

 

By the way, I will put links to BP Guy and Joel�s blog as soon as I am able to include html in this post instead of emailing it�.later today�.and please excuse the little boxes and little punctuation for the same reason.

 

This brings us to over-identification and under-identification. I�m guilty of both. I think a lot of us are. As far as over-identification goes - I�ve blamed anger outburst on the fact that Im bipolar, Ive blamed pure damn laziness on bipolar disorder, the list goes on� the fact is that sometimes its ok to be just plain angry and just damn lazy. You don�t have to blame a disease for being human�.but we have to be aware when we are just using our diagnosis for being irresponsible, sedentary, and being an asshole.

 

Under-Identification? I totally ignored my diagnosis for a couple of years, didn�t take meds even though I really knew I needed to, I did drugs for years, I dont pay good enough attention to my diet�Ive done and continue to do lots of things that aren�t good for folks with bipolar disorder to do�.Ive done and still do things that aren�t good for ANYONE to do.

 

I have been trying to get better in both aspects.

 

I also believe that sometimes its hard to judge whether youre having normal ups and downs, anxiety because ANYONE would be anxious, etc. It takes practice and getting to know yourself I suppose.

 

When I cant function and want to die � NOT normal.

When I resort to cutting myself � NOT normal.

When I am in an extended period of being overly and obnoxiously angry at the world � NOT normal.

When I go spend 2 grand on crap, when I usually don�t do that - NOT normal.

When I sometimes feel like spending a Saturday on the couch watching Ren & Stimpy and avoiding the world � COMPLETELY normal.

When I get anxious over a date � Normal as hell.

We all have to figure out what IS normal for ourselves and what is not.

 

We have to live like other humans�whether we have this disease or not. We have to know how to manage our disease. It isn�t going away any time soon, unless you want a depression pacemaker implanted in your brain, I guess.

 

How do we manage? Knowing ourselves, reading, basically getting our brains on every scrap of knowledge we can about ourselves and our disease, going to the doctor, taking our meds - knowing we have this disease, not letting it define who we are.

 

Everything Ive said applies to me�.I know this, and I suck at a lot of it, but Im trying and I think that trying is a big step.