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Q: How many women have you been with?

A: Uno. I was with my ex-girlfriend for almost 5 years. She was my one and only and I was hers. I still love her, but between my depression and her drinking…we didn’t make it. I still miss her. We’ve been broken up for 2 years. We actually got together over the internet…sort of. We had a mutual friend that I was living with in Houston. Linda came to visit and we became really good friends. I was kind of talking to a girl at the time and Linda and my friend in Houston were the first people I came out to. Linda was married at the time. She left her husband and moved from Vegas to CA to be with her family. We talked all the time on the phone and eventually I told her that I thought she was beautiful. She was like “you like girls and you think I’m beautiful.” Yep, that was the case. Anyway, I went out to CA a few times, she came to MS a few times and then we decided we couldn’t be apart. I moved to CA and took classes from my college online and worked an internship in Santa Barbara. We moved back to MS for me to finish school. We bought a house and lived with 3 cats and 2 dogs. I got really down…slept all the time. Cut a lot. Wouldn’t get help. She couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t help around the house and it bothered her (with good reason). She drank a lot…sometimes a 6 pack to go to sleep. She stayed at the restaurant she worked at overtime to drink at the bar some nights. I knew we needed a break, so I left. It was horrible. In the back of my mind I always thought I would go back, but she doesn’t want me anymore.

Q: How/when were you diagnosed with bipolar 1?

A: I have been in therapy since I was 11. I started drinking and doing drugs near that time. I was officially diagnosed as being clinically depressed when I was 16 or 17. I was put on an anti-depressant. As we know, just being on an anti-depressant can make us bipolar folk quite manic. I never slept in high school. I was fun as hell though. I was voted wittiest every year, I was the mascot, I played basketball obsessively every day….but along with the highs came horrible lows. I started cutting when I was 15 or so. I would go through periods of being barely able to function. Finally while I was living in Houston (I was about 19), I cut so bad that the people I was living with called my family in MS. When I woke up the next morning, my mom, brother, and S-D were standing over me to take me home. They made me go to therapy. I was diagnosed then with BP I, PTSD, and dissociative disorder. I was given Depakote, Celexa, and Neurontin. It totally screwed me up and I quit taking my meds about a year later. The last time I was diagnosed was 2 years ago when I finally went to the doctor at Linda’s urging. It was too late to save our relationship, but I was on deaths doorstep. I have been taking my meds ever since.

Q: How did you come to terms with the diagnosis?

A: I didn’t for a long time. Its scary to be told that you have something that cant be cured. Its quite a shitty feeling to feel defective, and that’s how I felt. Its also hard to accept having to take meds every day for the rest of your life. I didn’t accept any of it until about 2 years ago when I finally realized that I would die if I didn’t accept it. I read A LOT about Bipolar Disorder. Finally I decided that if I had to live with it then I needed to learn how to cohabitate with it in my own body. Theres me and then theres bipolar disorder…its kind of like living with a room mate….except you have alittle more control over the BP. I know if I take my meds, we’ll get along most of the time and that’s all I can ask for.

Q: Were you ever in the hospital?

A: Amazingly enough, I haven’t been. I shouldve been more than once. I have almost been admitted twice without my consent. I always know how to say what the docs want to hear. It’s a blessing and a curse probably.

Q: What kind of perfume do you wear?
A: Hollister Unisex….sex, what? Huh?